Izzie Swan
by You Can Call Me Effie
Summary: Reincarnation sounded like a pretty sweet deal at the time. Sixteen years as Isabella Swan later, and Izzie was beginning to wish she'd chosen Purgatory when she had the chance.
1. Into Forks

When Izzie died and was given the choice between purgatory and reincarnation, she chose reincarnation. It seemed an obvious choice. A chance to start over? Live a whole other life? Who wouldn't want that?

Sixteen years of living as Isabella Swan later, she wished she'd taken purgatory.

It took a while for her to stop being in denial about where she was... _Who_ she was. Up until now, she'd convinced herself that she was just Izzie, reincarnated into a normal-ish teenage girl with a dad she barely saw and a mom with the attention span of a rabbit in heat. Up until now, she'd just considered being an acquaintance of someone called Jacob who she used to play with in mud puddles to be a coincidence. And lots of people must have a baseball playing step father named Paul, right? Right.

Even now, as Izzie was riding in the passenger seat of Charlie Swan's police car and into a town named after a utensil, she was holding onto that irrational sliver of hope that she hadn't been living out the backstory of one of the most irritatingly dull fictional characters she had ever had the misfortune of reading about.

Izzie didn't want to be in a creepy relationship with an old man who was tempted to eat her every time he smelled her! What kind of moron would?

You may be wondering why she didn't just stay with Renee and Paul in Arizona.

Let's set this straight.

It wasn't because she thought she'd be a burden to then; anyone with eyes could see that Renee was going to miss her terribly.

It wasn't because she hated her new step father; Paul was actually a pretty decent guy, as far as Renee's taste goes.

It wasn't even because her old school mates were assholes, or too attractive for her to cope with or something. They were actually all pretty decent, and respected the fact that she sucked at sports and had the skin pigment of a baby's ass.

Hell, she's even had a boyfriend there, once upon a time, who she'd met at dance class (she had to get rid of the stupid clumsiness somehow).

And he was great, up until Izzie caught him making out with her cousin Alex. She was cool with it. He liked dudes. Nothing she could do about that.

He was more of a friend than a boyfriend during the time they were together, anyway.

 _Fucking Robert._

Moving on.

The reason Izzie decided to come to Forks of all places was quite simple: the weather.

What? Arizona's hot as hell. If she spent more than ten minutes in the sun, she ended up looking like a crab and feeling like her skin was melting off.

That may have had something to do with her outright refusal to wear sunscreen, but it still sucked.

Here in Forks ( _who named this town?_ ), there was virtually no risk of sunburn. In fact, it was practically always raining. That was her dream come true. So, crop tops and leather were now pretty much off limits, which sucked for her wardrobe, but at least here she could dance out in the rain for a bit until she caught pheumonia and died. She wouldn't have to go to school then.

Okay, that may have been a bit extreme, but Izzie had decided that she would absolutely avoid the Cullens at all cost during her stay in Forks. Accept maybe Alice. She seemed like her kind of girl.

 _No. No Cullens. Cullens equals Edward equals stalker equals bad._

 _Wait._

 _Didn't he come into Bella's room to watch her sleep before he'd even talked to her?_

 _Fuck._

Sulkily, she looked out the window at the rain. _Note to self: find out what actually repels vampires in this universe, and drown myself in it._


	2. Pajamas

After having the obligatory awkward 'I'm-your-daughter-and-your-my-father-but-we-haven't-seen-each-other-in-years-and-I'm-pretty-sure-you're-still-in-love-with-my-goldfish-of-a-mother' car chat with Charlie that consisted mostly of 'you've grown' and 'how's your mom' and 'when did you dye your hair red?', Izzie decided it was time to unpack.

Sighing forlornly at the fact that she couldn't wear most of her clothes anymore due to rain and leather not being a super great combination, she put away all of her clothes, put on flannel pajamas, threw her hair up (which she had dyed when she went through that punk phase and then decided she liked it), and tried to figure out ways to avoid the Creepy Cullen without being watched while she slept.

 _Wait. Hair dye. That fucks with your scent, right? Yes! That works._

 _Can't wear perfume, cause that gives me breathing problems._

 _Wait, shit. I'm not Bella. I'm Izzie. What if he can read my thoughts?_

 _No, that's stupid. I have a different mind, but if anything that should help me._

 _...Would Charlie let me get blackout blinds without asking any awkward questions?_

 _Probably not._

 _And I doubt locking the window will keep a vampire out, so I'm pretty much screwed in that department._

 _Uuugh_.

"Hey, Bells! Come down a minute!"

Izzie scrunched up her nose. _I hate that name_. "Coming!"

She walked down the stairs in all her pajama clad glory to see none other than Jacob Black with his dad in the living room.

 _Werewolves repel vampires._

 _But the whole imprinting thing..._

 _Wait, is he even a werewolf yet?_

 _Screw it._

She grinned at Jacob, who blushed a bit and looked down. _Aww. This kid's adorable._ "Jacob!"

"Hey, Bella."

She gave him a side hug. _I'm gonna feel so shitty for using this kid later. But it's not using if I really want to befriend him, right?_ "It's Izzie, actually."

He blushed harder but looked like he was trying not to smile.

She let him go and turned to the parents. Charlie looked slightly suspicious at her suddenly less standoffish behavior, but Billy looked amused.

She went over to shake his hand. "Hey, Billy. How've you and the girls been?"

He nodded at her from his wheelchair. "Good, good, thanks tor asking. And yourself?"

She smiled at him. "Great, actually! I really like it here. There's so much more green than I'm used to."

Charlie made a noise in his throat.

Izzie rolled her eyes slightly. _Just cause I dye my hair does not mean I'm a pothead, pops._ "Plants, dad. Because of the rain."

He smiled slightly.

Jacob was shifting slightly and giving her glances from the side, so she turned to him. "Hey, dude, you should show me around here."

He looked kind of surprised. "I-I mean, if you want and your dad's okay with it."

Izzie grinned at him and turned to Charlie, putting her abnormally large eyes to use. "Hey, pops... Could Jacob show me around Forks, pretty please?"

He looked at her suspiciously. "Why?"

She pouted slightly. _Because his smell will keep the vampires away._ "Because I'm new here and he's the only friend I have and I want to make some more. Please?"

He crossed his arms, but she could see he was about to cave. "You sure that's the only reason?"

Her jaw dropped and she heard Jacob choke on air from beside her. She turned to him and started pounding on his back as he coughed. "Dad! Look what you did! You broke Jacob!"

She turned and looked at Charlie and Billy indignantly when they began to laugh. She huffed, made sure Jacob was breathing properly again, and turned to face Charlie with crossed arms. "So, can he show me around, or not, pops?"

Charlie smiled. "Yeah, sure. But you might want to change first."

Izzie looked down at her pjs and up at Jacob.

He raised an eyebrow at her teasingly.

She smiled sheepishly. _No need to look so judgmental. These are really comfortable! Actually, you're not blushing. Be as judgmental as you want, wolf boy!_ "I'll be right back."

As she hurried up the stairs, she thought she heard Billy ask Charlie how long he thought it would take for them to start dating. She then heard Jacob's indignant 'Dad!', and snickered lightly.

She was going to be this kid's best friend, imprinting and creepy stalker vampires be damned.

Izzie had had a pretty good afternoon with Jacob. He'd shown her where the school that she'd be attending was, and he took her to the reserve he lived on which was pretty neat. She met some of his friends there, including one kid that looked a lot like Booboo Stuart, which she was very much not complaining about. Jacob had even stopped stuttering when he spoke to her. It wasn't much, but it was progress, and she was optimistic.

 _It was just a crush before Bella gave birth to that weird hybrid baby thing, so maybe I can turn it into brotherly affection. Yeah. I'll do that, cause then I won't have to hurt him later on if he's not interested... Maybe I should set him up with someone..._

 _Wait a minute._

Izzie threw herself onto her bed and took out her phone.

It rang twice before her mom picked up. "Izzie? Are you okay? It's been a week. Do you wanna come home, babygirl, cause I can get you-"

 _Knew I was forgetting something._ "Mom."

"Yeah, Iz?"

Izzie grinned. "I miss you, too. But I like it here."

There was a moment before she spoke. "...Really?"

Izzie laughed. "Yeah, really. Dad says hi, by the way. Anyway, I made some friends at school..."

Moms are great, even if they do act like they're twenty.


	3. First Day P1

Eight days had passed since Izzie and Jacob's Big Afternoon Out, and now it was the morning of the very first day of Izzie's new school.

The problem?

Izzie had nothing to wear. The only non-cropped shirt she owned was dirty and she had a feeling Charlie wouldn't let her out of the house with a bare midriff. She finally decided it didn't matter and shrugged on an oversized army green raincoat over her jeans and longest available sweatshirt, which was barely two inches above her jeans' waist. She zipped up the coat and put on her boots before shoving some toast in her face and rushing out the door.

She almost didn't notice the giant red truck in her driveway, but she quickly backtracked, almost slipping on a patch of ice in the process.

She looked with wide eyes from the truck to Charlie, who was grinning broadly, and back to the truck. "Dad?"

"Yeah, Bells?"

"Did you get me a truck?"

"Well, Billy gave me a discount and it seemed like something you'd like, so-"

Izzie rushed at him and hugged him around the middle. "YOU ARE THE BEST!"

Billy rolled up from around the other side of the truck with Jacob, looking amused. "Hey, now. What about the guy who sold it?"

Izzie grinned and went to hug him, crouching slightly awkwardly to get around his wheelchair. "Thanks, Billy."

He patted her back and chuckled. As she let go, she turned to Jacob. He grinned at her and held open his arms.

She smirked slightly and put her hands on her hips. "What did you do to deserve a hug, hm?"

He looked affronted. "Excuse you, who showed you around here in the first place?"

She tapped her chin thoughtfully as he beckoned her over insistently. She snorted. _Maybe he is making progress_. "I guess that's valid."

"Of course it's valid. Now get over here, my arms are freezing off."

She huffed lightly and hugged him, muttering into his shoulder. "Drama queen."

"Heard that."

"You were supposed to."

Charlie coughed.

Izzie pulled away from Jacob with a roll of her eyes and went over to the truck. "Later, pops. Bye, Billy. Jacob, you going to my school or...?"

He shook his head. "No, I go to the one on the reserve."

Izzie pouted, jumping into the truck. "Fine, leave me to fend for myself, than."

He gave her a peace sign.

She rolled her eyes again and turned the ignition, checked the mirrors, and pulled out of the driveway. "Later, losers!"

She saw them chuckling and grinned, making her way slowly to the school she had seen earlier that week.

As she pulled into the parking lot, she grinned wider. _Look at all the little baby cars. My truck could eat them all for breakfast._

She parked and jumped out, took her bag out, and locked the doors. As she turned, she made eye contact with one of the most attractive people she had ever seen. She raised an eyebrow at Rosalie Hale ( _damn_ _my thing for blondes_ ) and then went off to look for the administration office. _At least I didn't park in the teachers lot. That would've been embarrassing._

When she finally found it, she was already five minutes late. She tapped on the counter to get the very... Bright secretary's attention.

She smiled sweetly. "Yeah, dear? What can I do for you?"

Izzie smiled back. "I'm Isabella Swan."

"Oh, you're the new student! Yes, let me just find your schedule..."

 _Resist...urge...to straighten...desk._

After a minute, the woman finally found it. "Aha! There you are, dear."

Izzie smiled politely and took the schedule from her hand. "Thanks."

"No problem, dear. Off you go, or you'll be late."

 _I'm already late._ "Later."

 _English, government, trig, Spanish, lunch, biology, gym. Easy enough to remember._

The moment Izzie walked into English, everyone stared. She smiled sarcastically and waved. "Hiya."

The teacher grimaced. "Miss?"

She walked over and handed him the slip in her hand. "Swan. Izzie."

"Yes, well, _Izzie_. You're late."

"Yes."

"Don't make a habit of it."

"I'm new, sir. No promises."

"Do not sass me, Miss Swan. Take a seat."

She saluted him and made her way to the back row. As she sat down, she felt eyes on her. She looked up at everyone staring at her and raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Miss Swan!"

"They're staring at me, sir. It's annoying."

"Class, stop staring at the new student. There are far more interesting things to focus on up on the board."

Izzie raised her eyebrows and sat back in her seat. _Well. Mr. Mason, you've just earned yourself a spot on my Avoid list._

It was half way through class and someone was trying to get her attention. She turned to a kid who looked vaguely familiar and looked at him expectantly. She whispered. "What?"

He smiled at her. "I'm Eric."

She nodded slowly. "Cool. I'm Izzie."

His smile widened. "What class do you have next?"

"Miss Swan!"

Izzie rolled her eyes. "Sor-"

"It was my fault, sir! I was distracting her."

Izzie looked at him oddly and then at Mr. Mason, who was looking at her suspiciously.

She shrugged lightly and pointed at Eric. "Yep. Totally his fault."

Mason sighed. "Make sure it doesn't happen again, Mr. Yorkie."

"Of course not, sir."

The bell rang.

Izzie stood up and put her things away. She shrugged on her bag and ran a hand through her hair before walking toward the door. Eric followed after her. She looked at him when he fell into step beside her.

He smiled. Again. "Sup?"

Izzie furrowed her eyebrows. "What're you doing?"

"You never told me your next class."

She nodded. "Right. It's government."

"No way! Mine, too!"

She raised her eyebrows. "Cool. You should walk me there."

"That was the plan!"

She smiled at him oddly. "Great."

He grinned back.

A bit later they were there. "This is it."

She nodded and walked in, but turned around when she realized he hadn't followed her in. She tilted her head. "Aren't you coming in?"

He shook his head. "Oh, no. I'm not in this class."

"But... You said..."

"Yeah, I lied." He turned around and walked away. "See ya!"

Izzie stayed there in the doorway in confusion until someone bumped into her.

"Hey, watch it-"

She turned and glared slightly, her hands on her hips. "No. _You_ watch it. I wasn't even moving."

The guy kind of stared at her for a moment, running his eyes down her body and pausing at her midriff, before shaking himself out of it. "Yeah, you're right. Sorry. I'm Mike."

She raised an eyebrow and nodded once, pulling her jacket closed. _Damn Mary Sue powers. Where'd the zipper go?!_ "That's nice. I'm Izzie."

He stared at her.

She rolled her eyes. _Right._ "I'm gonna go sit down now."

He sat down next to her. _Of course._ "So, Izzie. You new?"

She nodded. "Yep."

"That's cool, that's cool. So, where're you from?"

 _An alternate universe_ _that's beautiful in the fact that there I'm not a_ _Mary Sue and you do not exist._ "Arizona."

"Really? But you're so pale."

She finally looked at him, her face deadpan. "Wow, dude. Totally didn't notice that about myself. You are one smart cookie."

He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. "Sorry."

"It's fine."

"Miss Swan, I understand you're new, but in Forks you pay attention to the teachers when they're speaking."

She snorted. "Yeah. Sorry, being sassed by teachers who know nothing about me is pretty new to me, too, but I'll try harder."

"Miss Swan!"

"Yes, sir?"

"Because it is your first day, I will let you off with a warning. Please refrain from disrupting my class in the future."

She gave him a thumbs up.

Mike stared at her in awe.

She decided to ignore the both of them for the rest of the period.

Trigonometry was made by the devil.

In other news, Jessica Stanley made an appearance and it was barely tolerable. She kept talking. And comparing her hair to Izzie's, which was weird.

Izzie basically just fell asleep in that class.

Spanish was bearable. Ms. Goff loved her, as she was already fluent.

The downside to that was that Jessica looked at her as if she wanted to be her, which gave her real Peter Pettigrew vibes.

Speaking of, why couldn't she have been reincarnated into the Harry Potter World? That would've been so much more fun. _And at least vampires make sense there._

Next was lunch, where Jessica kept chattering at her about who's popular and who's not, which Izzie really didn't care about at all. She finally got a break when Mike showed up. "Hey, Izzie, hey, Jessica."

Jessica beamed. "Hey-"

"Izzie, you going to sit with us?"

Izzie looked from Jessica, who looked downtrodden, to Mike, who looked hopeful. "Sure, why not. You go ahead."

Mike beamed. "Great. See ya."

Izzie rolled her eyes and looked at Jessica. "You okay?"

She nodded quickly. "Oh, yeah, totally. Just... Do you like Mike? I mean, it's totally fine if you do, it's just-"

"Jessica."

"Yeah?"

"I don't like Mike. I think you two would be better together than me and him anyway."

She beamed. "Really?"

Izzie nodded and picked up an apple and an Arizona. "Yeah, of course."

Jessica looked relieved.

After paying, Jessica led her to her table. Izzie wasn't surprised to see she knew about half of them already.

She turned to the only one she actually found genuinely sweet. "So, Angela, you do newspapers here?"

Angela nodded shyly, fiddling with her lunch. "Yeah. It's fun, I think. Did you not have one at your old school?"

Izzie shrugged. "I actually have no idea. It was a big school, though, so probably."

"Bigger than here?"

"Definitely bigger than here."

She felt someone staring at her and turned her head. When she saw who it was, she rolled her eyes. _Creepy Cullen. Great._

She turned back around and bit into her apple.

When she looked back up, Jessica was looking at her knowingly.

She swallowed her bite. _Here we go._ "What?"

Jessica smirked. "You wanna know about the Cullens, don't you?"

Izzie stared blankly. "The whats?"

Jessica turned completely to face her. "You know, those five over there? Inhumanly beautiful and super broody looking?"

Izzie tilted her head. "Oh, them. Nope."

Everyone at the table was suddenly staring at her.

She blinked. "What?"

The blond girl called Lauren spoke up. "You made full eye contact with Edward Cullen and aren't the least bit curious to know who he is? I call bullshit."

Izzie snorted. "I made full eye contact with you just now. Don't really care who you are either."

Lauren sneered and looked away.

Jessica looked at Izzie incredulously. "Izzie!"

She poked at the table moodily. "What?"

Jessica crossed her arms and looked at her as if she was her mother and she'd caught her doing something like stealing her lipstick. "That was rude."

She shrugged. "I don't like being called a liar."

Jessica looked at her incredulously. "You really don't want to know about them?"

"I really don't care."

The belt rang and Izzie stood up, shoving her unopened drink into her bag and throwing away her apple core. "Come on, Angela. We'll be late to class."

As the three girls walked out of the cafeteria, she could've sworn she heard Jessica mutter. "You're so weird, Izzie."

She smirked. _Oh, Jessica. You don't know the half of it._


	4. First Day P2: Everything Goes to Shit

Biology was awkward.

Izzie had walked in front of the stupid fan that was in front of the doorway for some reason, and suddenly Creepy Cullen was looking all offended.

 _Oh, boohoo, you can't read my mind! Wah wah, my blood is tempting you and you're annoyed because I exist!_

 _It's not my fault I smell fucking delicious, you ass._

She sat down as far as she could possibly be from him without sitting in the walkway. She ignored him and the fact that he kept looking at her in both disgust and confusion. She pretended she was fully engrossed in writing down dance steps in her notebook.

She then remembered he played the piano and she was a dancer, and suddenly everything got a whole lot more cliche.

Izzie slammed her head against the desk repeatedly.

 _Now Creepy Cullen looks real weirded out._

 _Good_.

"Er... Miss Swan?"

She looked the teacher through her hair and stood up, swinging her bag onto her shoulder.

"Miss Swan?"

She looked at him blankly. "I have a headache. May I go to the nurse?"

"Er, yes. Mr. Cullen, could you-?"

Izzie interrupted him, putting on her coat. "Sir, that's not necessary."

"I must insist. You are a new student, I can't have you wandering around on your own."

She began walking to the door. "Mike can walk me. Or Angela."

"Mr. Cullen is top of the class. He won't fall behind over this. The others might- Miss Swan!"

Izzie walked out.

In hindsight, making such a fuss over not being near him had probably just made him more interested in her, but screw it.

She took about five steps before she felt him staring at her. She turned around and glared at him. "Walk in front of me."

He looked confused. "What?"

She rolled her eyes. _Stupid Creepy Cullen with his stupid creepy face._ "It creeps me out when you walk behind me. I feel like you're gonna eat me or something. Walk in front of me."

He sneered slightly, but complied.

She grimaced and followed him. _I really hope I smell enough like wolf that he stays disgusted. Prick._

They got to the nurse without further incident.

That is, until said nurse saw Creepy Cullen and decided to flirt with someone who, for all she knew, was a minor.

 _Disrespectful teachers, unorganized secretaries, and now a perverted nurse? Who hires these people?_

It was worse when he smiled charmingly and told the nurse Izzie had slammed her head on the desk.

Izzie smacked his arm. He recoiled, and she glared at him, cradling her hand to her chest. _That was stupid of me. Ow._ "I did not slam my head on the table, Eddie. I tripped."

He grimaced at her and turned back to the nurse, who looked between them oddly. "Right. Well, she hurt herself. I think she may need some ice."

Izzie nodded. "And some water. Could you tell me where to get some?"

She pointed behind a curtain. "Right over there, dear."

Izzie nodded at her and went to get a cup. She stayed to finish it and then walked back out into the lobby bit. The nurse had left an ice pack on the counter for her, so she picked it up and held it to her head, turning to find a chair.

She stared at Creepy incredulously. _Seriously? Does he want a thank you? Fine._

"Thanks for walking me here."

He nodded stiffly.

She looked at him expectantly and sighed. "You can go away now."

He looked like he was about to say something, but thought better of it. He stood up slowly and nodded at her curtly.

She thought about shooing him off, but that just seemed like an overly bitchy thing to do, and she didn't really feel like antagonizing him even more than she already had when she was in physical pain already, so she just nodded back and went behind the curtain.

Since she'd gone to the nurse during her fifth class of the day, she'd been prohibited from going to her sixth. That was fine by her. The only thing remotely athletic that she was good at was dancing and Jessica had said something earlier about it being volleyball day, which was one of her worst sports.

Honestly, anything involving some kind of ball that she had to interact with just rubbed her the wrong way.

When the last bell rang, Izzie made her way to the admin's office. She had to bring in a slip from the nurse to excuse her absence from gym.

As she walked in, she heard the tail end of a conversation. She smirked. _Creepy's trying to get out of Bio._

She walked up and knocked her shoulder against him, smirking wider when he recoiled. She placed the slip on the counter and smiled at the secretary. "Hey, I kind of missed last period because I hurt my head. Eddie here can vouch for that, as can the nurse. So, can I just leave this here because my dad wants me home as soon as possible?"

The secretary looked a bit overwhelmed, which made Izzie feel kind of guilty.

Izzie smiled apologetically. "Sorry, ma'am, for interrupting, but I just really have to get home. Sorry."

She smiled at her warmly. "Oh, that's fine, dear. Tell Charlie I said hi for me, will you?"

Izzie smiled back and straightened her top, slightly uncomfortable with how the secretary said Charlie's name. _Poor Creepy probably hears all the dirty details. Eugh. Wait, didn't he leave as soon as Bella entered in the original timeline? Am I screwing myself over with the hair dye by making it so its more tolerable for him to be around me? Fuuuck._ "Will do. See you, ma'am. Later, Eddie."

After shooting Creepy a peace sign, Izzie decided it was time to stop poking a sleeping bear and to start getting home.

Someone had to cook dinner, and she was not going to eat top ramen for the fifth night since she'd gotten here.

Dinner wasn't super quiet. Charlie wasn't much of a talker, but Izzie made up for it by telling him all about school, excluding Creepy Cullen and the intentional head injury, of course.

"So, you made friends?"

Izzie nodded, swallowing her bite of garlic bread. "Oh, yeah. There's Angela, Jessica, Mike, Eric-"

"Mike? Mike Newton?"

Izzie nodded again. "That's the one. His dad owns some kind of sporting goods store, I think."

Charlie nodded back around his mouthful of spaghetti. "Good kid, good kid. So, you interested in any-?"

Izzie tried not to laugh. "Nope. Unless you count Rosalie Cullen."

Charlie choked, and Izzie could've sworn she heard a rustle in the trees outside the window. She laughed. "I'm just joking, pops. Alice is way more my type."

He coughed and gave an strained chuckle. "Right. So, you're...?"

"Tired? Yeah, it's been a long day. I think I'll wash the dishes and then go think about dreamy boys in my room instead of doing my homework."

He actually laughed at that, standing up and putting his empty plate in the sink. "Right. You do that, Bells."

She smiled and washed the dishes quickly, before hurrying up to her room and locking the window.

Would a locked window really keep a vampire out? Probably not.

But it helped her peace of mind so she did it.

After doing her homework, which she didn't get from Bio due to her little incident with the desk, she changed into her exercise clothes and went downstairs.

"Dad, I'm going for a run in the woods, okay?"

"You sure you won't get lost out there, Bells?"

"I'm sure. I'll be back in an hour."

"Have fun."

She sat at a tree and stretched a bit and then started at a jog.

 _Okay, let's see._

 _Creepy Cullen is not as creepy as Canon Cullen, but that's just because he's not as opposed to my scent right now. I think._

 _God, I'm not Bella. That alone has changed things. What if this Cullen isn't as creepy?_

 _No! Bad Izzie! He's emotionally abusive and like a hundred!_

 _But if I just give him the benefit of doubt.._

 _You know what? Fine. Next time I see him, I'll be less bitchy. Maybe._

 _Why am I arguing with myself?_

Leaves above her rustled and she moved out from under the tree. _This is new. Then again, Bella didn't run._ "Come down if you're a bird, stay up if you're a stalker.

The rustling stopped.

A dead bird was thrown from the tree.

Izzie jumped away from it and felt her heart skip a beat. _Fuck_. "Okay. That was unnecessary. Now, come down if you're a stalker and stay up if you're a violent bitch."

 _Why'd I say that?_

 _Whatever._

Nothing came down.

Izzie sighed and forced herself to relax. _Violent bitch equals Rosalie. If I'm gonna die, might as well be killed by a super hot blonde vampire._

"Alright, come down, violent bitch. Just keep your teeth to yourself."

And then Rosalie was in front of her.

Izzie blinked. "That was quick."

Rosalie glared and pushed her up against the tree. "What problem do you have with my family?"

Izzie resisted the urge to cower. "Currently? The fact that one of them is holding me up against a tree and threw a dead bird at my feet."

She tightened her grip on Izzie's arms. "Don't be smart with me. What do you know?"

Izzie looked at her carefully. "Be more specific."

She growled. "How much do you know?"

Izzie tried not to glare as she looked directly into her eyes. "Let go of me. I won't run. You'd catch me before I even made a step."

Rosalie dropped her roughly and backed up a step. Izzie barely kept her balance. "Well?"

Izzie sighed boredly and cleared her throat. She waved her hands halfheartedly. "Aah. Don't kill me."

Rosalie snapped her teeth at her. "Talk."

Izzie shrugged. _Good enough._ "You're all vampires."

And then she was flying.


	5. First Day P3: So Much Worse Than Canon

A moment later, they were at the Cullen house and Rosalie was dropping her roughly on the floor.

She stood up and grimaced. "Unnecessary."

The rest of the Cullens were standing around her.

She grimaced again.

Rosalie nodded at Creepy, who nodded to Carlisle. He began. "Tell us everything you know and we won't be forced to hurt you."

Izzie snorted and resigned herself to the fact that she was going to die again. "You and I both know the law won't allow me to walk free, but fine. I know everything."

Rosalie spoke through clenched teeth. "Be more specific."

Izzie rolled her eyes. "It'd be easier to tell you what I don't know."

They looked at her expectantly.

She sighed and counted on her fingers. "Alright, let's see. You're vampires, but you're weird ones that are basically immortal unless fire is involved. You have you're own Royalty, which doesn't make much sense, considering most of the laws they enforce are common logic. You have a treaty with the Quillette tribe that doesn't allow you to kill or eat anyone in this town. You don't eat people. Blah blah blah, singers, blah blah blah, Volturi, blah blah blah, mountain lions, blah." She paused. "Can you kill me now, or should I keep going?"

Rosalie, Creepy and Carlisle looked intimidating and angry. Alice and Jasper just looked really confused. Emmett was blocking the door and Esme was stood beside Carlisle.

Izzie sighed again and pointed at each of them as they came up. _May as well dig six feet deeper._ "Eddie can read minds, Alice can see the future, Jasper is an Empath, Carlisle is a doctor who used to live with the Volturi, Emmett is freakishly strong, even by Vampire standards, and Rosalie is a bitchy kidnapper who I honestly kind of respect. Is that enough?"

Emmett snorted. Izzie and Rosalie looked at him incredulously, while Creepy glared.

He held his hands up. "Sorry, not the time."

Carlisle spoke. "Isabella, how do you know all of this?"

Izzie shook her head. "I'm taking that to the grave."

Rosalie bared her teeth. "That could be arranged."

Izzie raised an eyebrow. "Yes, I'm waiting for that."

Rosalie made to jump at her, but Carlisle stood between them. "Rose."

"Carlisle, she-"

"No. We're not those kinds of people."

Her nostrils flared but she backed off.

Izzie swore mentally. She looked at him. "Doc, if you're not gonna kill me, than what are you going to do? I suggest you decide quickly, because I'm meant to be home in half an hour."

He smiled at her patiently. "Isabella-"

"Izzie."

He nodded. "Izzie, are you planning on telling anyone about what you know?"

She looked at him incredulously. "You're shitting me."

He looked mildly uncomfortable at her wording. "No, not at all. This is a very serious situation."

Izzie threw her hands up. _Seriously? I came here to die, not to have my character judged!_ "No, I'm not gonna tell anyone! For one thing, no one who doesn't already know would believe me, and for another, what do I have to gain by forcing you out of your home? What kind of person do you think I am?"

Rosalie muttered something under her breath. She was ignored.

Jasper spoke up behind Carlisle. "She's being honest. And she's completely unafraid of being in a house full of vampires, which means she's probably out of her mind."

Izzie smiled at him sarcastically while Alice gave him a look. "Yes, thank you, Jasper. While you're reading people, could you and Eddie tell me who the most murderous vampire in the room is so I can throw myself at Rosalie and let her kill me already?"

There was a silence.

Rosalie broke away from Emmett, who had been holding her to him, and punched a hole through the wall. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

Izzie jumped a bit. "Do you want a list?"

"UGH!"

And then she ran out.

Emmett looked at Izzie in slight amusement, but mostly annoyance before he ran after Rosalie.

Izzie watched them disappear and sighed. "It's official. I'm an asshole."

There was a beat before Jasper spoke. "Yep."

She turned back to the rest of the Cullens and waited.

Carlisle walked toward her slowly. "We need to make sure you won't say anything."

Izzie nodded. "Yes, we've established that I won't."

Creepy suddenly yelled. "NO, CARLISLE!"

Izzie flinched a bit. "Woah, that was loud."

"It's the only way, Edward."

Alice looked dazed.

"No it isn't, and you know that!"

Izzie went over and waved a hand in front of her face. _Huh. She's not moving. Cool._

She poked her cheek.

"I've made my decision."

Izzie turned back toward them, furrowed her eyebrows and raised her hand halfway. "Hey, not that I don't love this cryptic stock phrase dialogue and everything, but you mind filling me in on this decision about me that Eddie's so against?"

Alice came out of her daze right then, burst out laughing, and linked her arm with Izzie's. "Oh, Edward, it's already been decided."

Izzie started bouncing in place, though she let Alice keep their arms linked. Well, more like she was pretty sure that if she tried to get free, Alice would keep her arm. "I! Am! So! Annoyed! Just! Tell! Me!"

Jasper looked at her strangely, Alice giggled, and Esme came up beside her. "Dear, I know this is stressful, but you're only going to tire yourself out."

Jasper interjected. "Also, that's really weird. Your body is bouncy. Please stop."

Izzie grimaced at him as Alice tightened her grip. "Alice, stop, I need that arm."

"Oops."

Creepy was yelling. "I WONT LET YOU DO THIS!"

Carlisle was calm. "It is the only way, Edward. You must accept that."

Esme patted Izzie's shoulder gently. "Would you like something to eat, Izzie?"

"No, thank you, I ate at home."

Creepy had had enough. "I DON'T WANT TO BE HER FAKE BOYFRIEND!"

Izzie froze. _Wh..._

Edward continued. "SHE IS RUDE, SHE IS FRIENDS WITH THE QUILLETTES, SHE SMELLS OF FREESIAS AND HAIR DYE, AND SHE CALLS ME EDDIE! NO!"

Everyone was silent for a full minute.

Izzie tore herself away from Alice and Esme, threw herself at the floor, and pulled at her hair while writhing around. "WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK?!"

Emmett and Rosalie came back in at that moment and stared. Emmett burst out laughing. "HOLY SHIT! You broke the human!"

Jasper looked disturbed. "I knew she was insane."

Alice, after smacking him on the head for that comment, went over to Edward and smacked him on the head too. "No, _we_ didn't break the human, Emmett. _He_ did."

Emmett guffawed and clapped him on the shoulder. "Nice going, Eddie!"

"DON'T CALL ME EDDIE!"

Carlisle was looking at Edward in disappointment, while Esme alternated between doing the same and trying to get Izzie off the floor.

Rosalie ran right back out the door.

When Izzie was finally calm enough to stop doing whatever she had been doing on the floor and Rosalie came back into the house again, they moved the discussion to the couch.

She forced back the urge to scream again and took a deep breath. She spoke through gritted teeth. "Carlisle, tell me exactly why you think this stupid little plan is necessary."

Carlisle was looking less patient. _Good._ "Izzie, we need to make absolute certain that you won't say anything about us to anyone."

"I won't! What about that don't you understand?"

Jasper spoke up. "The fact that you're lying now."

She froze. "What?"

Jasper leaned close to her face, which unnerved her a bit. "You're a death seeker. Now that you know we won't kill you, you see going to the Volturi as your only remaining option."

She smiled with clenched teeth and laughed humorlessly. "That's ridiculous, Jasper. Why would I want to die when I have such a _great_ life?"

He leaned back and Esme spoke. "Perhaps the reason for that is the same reason for how you know so much about our kind."

 _I liked it better when you were just a wife._

Izzie closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and breathed out through her nose slowly. When she opened them again, they were emotionless. "We have fifteen minutes. Tell me how this thing is going to work."

"All you have to do is act like a teenager with a boyfriend who she likes."

She shrugged. "Done that before. Anything else?"

Creepy spoke up. "Stop calling me Eddie."

"It's either Eddie or Creepy, those are your only options."

Carlisle looked at her sternly. "Isabella."

She pouted. "Fine."

Creepy smiled tauntingly. "Fine what?"

She sneered at him. "Fine, _Edward_."

Alice chimed in. "Also, no sneering. You have to like him, remember?"

She pouted again. "But that's like our entire relationship!"

Jasper raised an eyebrow and put his arm around Alice. "You've known each other for a day."

"It was hate at first sight!"

Emmett snorted.

Izzie pointed at him. "Emmett gets me."

Rosalie glared at her and Carlisle and Esme have her disapproving looks.

She put her hands up. "What? I was actually being nice, then."

There was a pause before Carlisle clapped his hands in an entirely dad fashion and stood up. "Alright, now that that's done with. Which one of you is taking Izzie home?"

Alice bounced up. "I will!"

Izzie deadpanned. "Yaaay."

Alice looked at her in confusion for a second before she threw her on her back and started running.

Izzie held on tightly. "Goddamnit, Alice, slow down before I fall off!"

Alice laughed and tightened her grip. "Nope! Enjoy the ride, Izzie!"

"I hate roller coasters!"

"That's irrelevant!"

They stopped at the edge of the forest near Izzie's house.

She got off and felt her knees buckle.

Alice held her up. "Woah, there! Too much speed?"

Izzie pushed away from her. "No shit, Alice."

She smiled. "Sorry."

Izzie snorted and righted herself. "No, you're- And, she's gone."

Izzie stared blankly at the spot Alice used to occupy before she clicked her tongue and walked back to her house.

 _Stupid adorable vampire._

She got in to find Charlie still in front of the television.

She shook her head fondly. "I'm back."

He grunted.

She rolled her eyes and went upstairs. "I'm going to bed now!"

"Mhm. Night, Bells."

She shook her head again as she went up to her room to get pajamas for after her shower. "There's a boy in my room."

"That's nice, honey."

She closed the door and turned to her bed. She yelped before she could stop herself.

She held her hand to her heart and walked toward her bed. _There really is a boy in my room._ "Creepy, what are you doing here?"

He looked annoyed at the nickname but he didn't comment on it. "We need ground rules."

She nodded rapidly. "Yeah. Rule number one: don't come into my room without permission, and don't lie on my bed like a pervert!"

He rolled his eyes and then he was on her rocking chair. "Better?"

She turned around and dug through her drawers. "Immensely."

She turned back to see him hovering and almost punched him. _Jesus Christ._ "Rule number two: when we're alone, respect my personal space."

He stepped back and she relaxed. "Is it my turn now, or do you have more?"

She glared up at him. "Rule number three, if anyone asks, you asked me out at least three times before I said yes."

"Yes, because the children at that school are really going to believe that."

She ignored that. "Rule number four: no mouth kissing, and your hands stay in appropriate areas, i.e. my waist, hand, shoulders, or hair, should physical contact be necessary in that situation."

He crossed his arms. "I could not agree more."

"Rule number five: you may come into my room if and only if you've asked and I have granted permission. Because common curtesy."

He assented. "Anything else?"

"I'll think of something."

"Right. Well, before you do, here are my rules. I drive you to and from school, and when I'm not with you, one of my siblings has to be."

Her jaw dropped. "Excuse me?"

"We need to make sure you don't tell anyone. If it makes you feel any better, Rosalie did not volunteer to be one of your babysitters."

 _This is so much worse than canon._ "Now listen here, you sack of cheap linoleum, I am not a fucking child-"

"I beg to differ."

"Or a fucking pet. What's next, you're gonna put a leash on me?"

He smiled sardonically. "Not without your consent."

She twitched. "Get. Out."

"I'm not finished-"

She threw her hands out in front of her and screamed. "DAD!"

"IZZIE?!"

Creepy looked extremely annoyed. "We will continue this discussion in the morning."

She sneered. "I'd honestly rather eat gravel."

The door burst open and Creepy was gone. "Bella, are you okay?!"

She nodded and placed her head in her hands, trying to get rid of her sudden headache. "Yeah, sorry, dad. I thought there was someone at my window."

He looked at her oddly, but also relieved. "Bells, you're two stories up."

She grunted. "I know. Sorry."

"It's fine. I'm glad you called me."

She nodded at him and grabbed her clothes. She patted his shoulder on her way out. "Thanks for coming so fast."

He rubbed the back of his head. "It's my job."

She snorted and made her way to the bathroom. "Love you too."


	6. In Which Izzie Says Penis

Izzie woke up the next morning to an entirely unwelcome sight. "Rule number five! Rule number five!"

Creepy rolled his eyes from where he was sitting in her rocking chair. "May I come in?"

"No!"

"Whoops, too late."

She stood up huffily and pointed at the window. "Out."

"We need to talk."

"We'll talk in the car, but I have to get ready."

"I'll turn around."

Izzie wrinkled her nose and grabbed her clothes. "Fine, you pervert. Talk."

He faced the wall. "I think your behavior last night was completely irrational."

She snorted as she struggled into her jeans. "Oh, great way to start."

He continued. "But, I also see your point about no one believing you should you decide to speak on what you know. Also, dating after only having known each other for a day is a bit far fetched."

She threw on an oversized sweatshirt she found in the back of her closet. "Finally, one of you makes sense. Can you convince the rest of your family of that too?"

He turned toward her and she threw her hairbrush at him. He caught it.

"Dude, I could've been naked!"

"Superhuman hearing."

She stuck her tongue out.

He ignored it. "In regards to your question, no. They wouldn't listen to me. Alice just kept cackling."

Izzie snorted and took her brush back. "You didn't read her mind, Super Boy?"

He looked annoyed. "No. Every time I tried, she played YMCA on repeat in her head."

Izzie laughed. "I knew I liked her. Now, go wait in the car. I need to brush my teeth and eat breakfast."

He rolled his eyes and bowed his head sarcastically. "As you wish, your highness."

She stuck her tongue out at the place he used to be. "Asshat."

He was back. "I heard that."

"You were supposed to."

He rolled his eyes again and went back to the car.

Izzie went to eat breakfast. _Stupid creepy Cullen_. "Morning, pops."

"You're up early."

"Yeah, a friend from school is picking me up."

Charlie looked up from his newspaper and cereal in confusion. "Something wrong with the truck?"

Izzie shook her head and poured cereal into her own bowl. "Nope, but he offered and I know a girl who likes him but hates me, so I agreed."

"Why would you...?"

"Girl drama, pops."

"Bells, you've been to that school for a day and you're already making enemies?"

She grinned as she spooned the cereal into her mouth. "She called me a liar, I'm showing up with a guy she likes. She started it."

He looked a bit confused still. "And who is this guy you're talking about."

There was a knock on the door. She rolled her eyes and swallowed the rest of her food. "That's him. You answer the door and do that whole intimidating cop dad thing, I gotta go brush my teeth."

He sat up straight and fracked his neck and knuckles before standing up and answering the door.

Izzie rolled her eyes as she went back upstairs. Masculinity was a beautiful thing.

When she came back down with her bag and her teeth and face washed, Creepy was in the middle of what looked to be an awkward conversation about fishing with her father.

She snorted and tapped Creepy on the shoulder. "Having fun, there?"

He smiled politely.

Charlie nodded and clapped him on the shoulder. "I like this one."

Izzie raised an eyebrow. "Woah, pops, hands off. He's mine."

Charlie looked a bit suspicious while Creepy looked a bit startled. "Don't let Jake hear you say that."

Izzie burst out laughing. "Dad, he's practically my brother! And I was joking!"

Charlie relaxed a bit and Creepy just looked relieved. "Izzie, we're going to be late."

She waved her hand, still giggling. "Yeah, yeah. Bye, pops!"

"Have fun at school, Bells."

She snorted as she walked out the door. "No promises."

Creepy followed after her. He muttered under his breath. "Your father is very fond of aquatic life."

She whispered back. "Just say fishing, Edwardo, it's so much simpler.

They got in the car and he pulled away from the curb while she waved at Charlie. "Don't call me Edwardo, Isabella."

Her smile fixed on her face. "I have hairspray and a lighter in my bag. You call me Isabella again, you're cinders."

"I could kill you long before you reach it."

"And then you and your family would have to move and I would get what I want."

"I have never disliked someone so quickly and thoroughly as I dislike you."

Izzie grinned at him. "That's the spirit, disco ball."

They pulled up to the school. The rest of the Cullens were already there, standing by Rosalie's beautiful red convertible. Izzie didn't know anything about cars other than the obvious, but she knew she appreciated that one.

Creepy opened the door for her. She hid her grimace and stepped out, cackling internally at the absolutely offended look on Lauren's face.

She waved at Jessica and her group near the school bus and walked with Creepy to the convertible. "Hale, I know you hate me and whatever, but I want to compliment you on your car. It's fucking beautiful."

"Of course it is."

Izzie smiled. _I hate how attractive she is._

Jasper looked a bit uncomfortable.

Alice bounced over and linked arms with Izzie. "Morning, Izzie! Did you sleep well?"

Izzie smiled at her. "Yes, actually. I had a really pleasant dream, but then I woke up to your brother's face and everything went downhill from there."

Creepy wrinkled his nose and Alice tightened her grip. "Izzie."

Izzie clenched her teeth in a sad excuse for a smile and forced herself not to flinch away. "Fine, vampy. How about this?"

Alice's eyes widened. "Izzie-"

"Edward is so _sweet_ and _attractive_ and _not_ creepy. I am definitely attracted to him in a romantic and sexual way because I _love_ men. I totally definitely enjoy penis. Especially _Edward's_ penis. Because I _like_ Edward. And men."

There was a moment of stunned silence where even Rosalie's mouth had dropped open.

Emmett and Jasper fell to the floor in laughter.

Alice's mouth was open in an O shape.

Rosalie had covered her mouth with her hand so as not to give Izzie the impression that she could make her laugh.

Edward, who Izzie had decided to start calling by his name in her head out of guilt for what had just come out of her mouth and also because he hadn't actually been creepy yet in this timeline, looked absolutely scandalized.

Izzie joined Emmett and Jasper on the floor and resigned herself to the fact that Jessica was going to grill her alive later.

Eddie (referring to him as Edward, even in her head, made her uncomfortable) walked her to class, looking slightly pained.

Izzie felt a bit bad for him. "What're you hearing?"

"Lauren is thinking about skinning you alive, Jessica thinks you spread your legs for me on the first day, Mike Newton is thinking up ways to get you away from me, which I wouldn't mind if he didn't insist on picturing the graphic things he wants to do to your body."

They stopped at her door. Izzie wrinkled her nose. "Gross. And Eric?"

"Has hope. From the bottom of my heart, I hope your day is entertaining."

She raised her eyebrow. "Thanks."

"For me."

She snorted and flipped him off before heading to her seat.

She ignored the stares and sat down.

Eric tapped on her desk.

She raised her eyebrow at him.

He smiled. "So, you and Edward, huh?"

She rolled her eyes and faced the front.

He persisted. "Did you two, like, know each other before or something?"

She sighed.

"I mean, not that there's anything wrong with you or anything, but you've only been here for a day and Edward Cullen hasn't dated anyone since he and his family moved here."

"That's great and everything, but I'm trying to-"

"Miss Swan!"

Her jaw dropped. She turned to her teacher. "Excuse me?"

"You have only been here for two days and have disrupted class both of those days. Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

She stood up and picked up her bag. "Yeah, actually, I do."

He gestured to the front of the classroom.

She walked up and stood in front of him. "That thing you heard me saying? In response to Eric Yorkie constantly pestering me about my love life? For which you didn't reprehend him in any way? That was me saying I'd like to learn and to stop distracting me."

"You should have ignored him."

Izzie glared directly into his eyes. "Not worth it."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm leaving your class."

"You do not have permission-"

She walked out.

As she walked out she pondered her life choices.

She already did everything she wanted in her previous life.

Her actual life.

She'd gone through elementary and middle school twice.

She'd gone through _puberty_ twice.

Now she was in a literal fantasy world where vampires and werewolves existed.

She made her mind up as she stalked toward the parking lot. When she got outside of school grounds, she started muttering under her breath. "Heads up, Cullens. I probably won't be here for lunch."

She ran home to get her truck.

Time to pay Billy Black a visit.


	7. in which Izzie hates everything shocker

Internally, she was freaking out over what Charlie would say if he found out.

She then slapped herself and realized that that really wasn't the biggest problem she would have to deal with anyway.

Izzie got out of her truck and jumped down, quickly going toward the Black's house.

Someone got in her way.

She looked up at a very tall, very buff, very shirtless, and very intimidating man.

She smiled at him politely. "Excuse me."

He didn't move.

She continued to smile at him politely. "Please move out of my way so I can see Billy."

"What is your name?"

"What is _your_ name?"

He widened his stance slightly. "I asked first."

She did as well and crossed her arms, dropping her smile. "That's nice."

They stared at each other for a while before she was forced to blink.

 _Damnit_.

She ignored the look of triumph that flashed across his face for an instant and held out her hand. "Izzie Swan."

He gingerly shook her hand once before letting go. "Sam Uley. Billy's busy right now."

"It's important."

"I'll pass on a message."

She growled, and immediately realized how ridiculous it was that she had just growled at an actual werewolf. _Well, shapeshifter. Who gives a shit, I'm calling them werewolves._ "Just tell him I came over, and not to mention it to Charlie. And stop scaring Jacob with your steroids and wolf gang."

He watched her with a clenched jaw and unreadable eyes. "Wolf gang?"

She raised her eyebrows at him a and opened her car door. She paused before entering. _Should I? Nah. Will I? Yep._ "This town has a lot of secrets. Just so happens that I know them all."

He glared at her as she got in and started the car. "You say you know everything, but I doubt it."

She gave him a wink and drove off without giving him an answer.

She sighed. _Somehow, that was both dramatic and anticlimactic._

As Izzie made it back to school in the middle of third period, she decided to wait until forth to get back to class.

The fact that her third period was trigonometry had absolutely everything to do with it.

When the bell finally rang, she got out of her car and walked toward her Spanish class.

Jessica spotted her and ran up. "Izzie! Where the hell have you been?"

Izzie shrugged and kept walking with her. "Got lost."

"For two hours?"

She looked at her oddly.

Jessica rolled her eyes. "Eric said you left in the middle of first, and Mike said you didn't go to second. Now, spill."

Izzie rolled her eyes. "Nah."

Jessica grabbed her arm and stopped her. " _Excuse_ me?"

Izzie shook her off and crossed her arms. "Jess, I like you and everything, but we've known each other a day. You don't need to know my business."

Jessica mirrored her. "Iz, I get that you probably think that because you're new, you're special or something? But that's not the case. Everything is my business."

Izzie stared at her and grinned. _Someone's immune! A human is immune to my Sueness! Or she's jealous. Nope! Immunity is best option so I'll take it!_

"What're you smiling about?"

Izzie started walking again. "Come on, we're gonna be late."

Jessica caught up with her. "As if you care, you ditched half of your second day!"

"Espaniol."

Jessica, who couldn't speak enough Spanish to continue interrogating Izzie, huffed. "This isn't over."

Izzie smiled and walked to her seat. " _Yo se_."

Jessica got her chance on the way to lunch.

Izzie has tried to go ahead, but she caught up. "Oh no you don't! What's up with you and the Cullens."

Izzie remembered what Eddie had said in the morning and grimaced. "They invited me over, I went, met the whole family, and now I'm doing a weird flirty thing with Edward. We're not dating, as we've only known each other for a day. We're friends."

Jessica nodded. "Right. And who invited you? And when?"

Izzie grinned. "Rose came over last night. I couldn't say no."

Jessica looked even more skeptical. "The ice queen? You're lying!"

Izzie stopped smiling and walked away. _I was telling the truth for once._

Jessica spluttered and came up after her. "I was teasing, you wimp!"

Izzie nodded at her. "I know, but I can't sit with you guys today."

Jessica tilted her head. "Why not?"

Alice bounced up to them and hooked her arm through Izzie's. Her nose crinkled minutely before she smoothed if out. "Hey, Izzie! Hi, Jessica."

"Er, hi-"

"Izzie, you're sitting with us today. Right?"

Izzie rolled her eyes in what she hoped looked like affection and inclined her head. "That's why."

Jessica nodded slowly. "Right. Well, are you at least sitting with us tomorrow?"

Izzie smiled. "Yes. I'll see you in Gym."

Alice whispered very quietly. "You probably won't."

Izzie waved at Jessica as she was led away.

Alice sat her down between herself and Edward and smiled serenely. "You went to La Push."

Izzie nodded. "Yep."

Jasper wrinkled his nose. "Are you not going to apologize?"

Izzie raised her eyebrow. "Why should I?"

Creepy clenched his fist and then relaxed it. "Perhaps because you worried us. Perhaps because you were near danger you do not even want to know about."

Izzie blinked slowly. _Don't make it sound like you were worried about me and not your stupid secret._ "I know about it. I know everything."

Emmett tapped his hand on the table. "Than maybe apologize for the fact that you reek of dog."

Izzie snorted. "Sorry."

Alice looked uncomfortable.

Jasper tilted his head. "You know about La Push."

Izzie nodded. "Ran into a pup who wouldn't let me see an Elder."

Creepy grimaced. "Why did you want to see an Elder?"

Rosalie snarled, which was coincidentally the first thing she'd done yet. "To expose us!"

Izzie put a hand up. _Damnit Blondie, we both fucking know you just want me dead._ "The Elders are already aware of you as you already know. I just wanted to talk to someone who knew about it and wasn't actively trying not to eat me."

Alice took a breath, which unnerved Izzie when she remembered breathing was unnecessary for sparkle tics. "Izzie, when you say everything, what exactly does that mean?"

Izzie grimaced. "I am not at liberty to tell you everything I know."

Emmett finally spoke up. "Is there anything that you can tell us?"

Izzie sighed. _Ugh_. "Beware of nomads and their mates."

Alice looked troubled. "Do you see the future?"

The bell rang. Izzie stood, swung her bag back on, and grabbed the orange from Emmett's tray. "Something like that."

Rosa snorted. "You're human."

Izzie peeled the orange. "Something like that."

They all looked confused. "What?"

She shrugged and threw away the peel. "Not important. Come on, ice cube, we're gonna be late for Bio."

"Izzie."

She shoved the orange in her mouth, looking at him and mumbled and gesticulated in an exaggeratedly apologetic fashion.

He sighed and shared a look with his siblings before he walked with her to class.

As soon as they sat down, Mike Newton went up to them. "Hey, Izzie."

She smiled pleasantly. "Sup, homeslice."

He grinned. "So, Izzie..."

Creepy snorted quietly beside her.

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Yeeees?"

Mike smirked cockily. "You wanna go out some time?"

Izzie was grateful that Jessica wasn't in this class. She shrugged. "Not really, no."

His face fell and he glared at Creepy. "Oh."

And she felt slightly bad for the fuckboy. "Look, it's not that you aren't great, I'm just not looking to date right now."

"Is it because of him?"

Izzie rolled her eyes and opened her mouth.

Creepy beat her to it. "Yes. Please leave."

Izzie looked at him incredulously, while Mike glared. "What the hell? No it isn't?"

Mike looked at her hopefully. "It isn't?"

Izzie grimaced. "No!"

Creepy looked at her amuse fly. "Than please explain why you won't go on a date with Mike, won't you, Isabella?"

"Well, I-" She turned toward him slowly. "What did I say about calling me Isabella?"

"That you would set me on fire if I ever did it again."

"Bingo."

Mike shifted his feet slightly. "Er, Izzie?"

Izzie ignored him and growled at Eddie. "I am not above setting you on fire in public, Eddie."

He smiled serenely. "And wouldn't that just put the Chief's reputation down the metaphorical drain, Bella?"

Mike started to back away. "Er, I'm just gonna... Go back to my seat."

Eddie waved jauntily.

Izzie grit her teeth and turned to the front where Mr. Banner had begun the lesson. "That's even worse than Isabella."

"Good to know."

"I hate you."

"The feeling is mutual."

"Miss Swan, Mr. Cullen? Would you like to share what you find so interesting for the rest of the class?"

"No, sir-"

"I would!"

Creepy glared at her slightly, while the rest of the class snickered.

"Yes, miss Swan?"

Izzie smiled humorlessly. "Eddie keeps trying to play footsie under the table. Please tell him to stop."

There were a few snickers.

Banner rolled his eyes. "Mr Cullen, please keep your feet and other appendages to yourself. Both of you, pay attention."

Eddie spoke politely. "Yes, sir."

Izzie hid a grin.


	8. Inappropriate Car Conversation

As soon as the bell rung, Creepy was dragging her out of her seat by the elbow and out the door.

She huffed as she tried not to fall. "Woah there, superspeed, some of us aren't magical creatures and need to walk slowly."

His grip tightened on her arm and he laughed as if she said something funny. As soon as they were in a slightly secluded hallway, his smile dropped.

He glowered. "I can not believe you said that in hearing range of humans."

Izzie snorted and tried not to notice that her arm was beginning to lose feeling. "Well, believe it, Eddie. By the way, you're cold as hell. Keep your hand to yourself."

He looked like he wanted to increase the pressure on her arm, but then he noticed her barely suppressed flinch and he let go. "Isabella, don't say things like that. What if someone hears you?"

Izzie snatched her hand back and tried to discreetly rub the circulation back into it. "They would think I was teasing you for being faster than me."

"Don't underestimate-"

Izzie cut him off. "Do you really think anyone in this small ass town would actually believe you were a sparkle tic? These people are probably still trying to wrap their heads around the concept of gay people. You're fine."

He looked mildly affronted. "Sparkle tic?"

She smiled patiently, wondering absently why the second bell hadn't rung yet. "Glitter mosquito was too much of a mouthful and shimmer leech sounds too much like shimmer leash, which just makes me think of furries."

Now he looked confused and kind of frustrated. "Furries?"

Her eyes widened and she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. That just made him look more uncomfortable.

She looked at him pityingly. "Oh, you sweet fairy rock child. You'll learn when you're older."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "I'm 109 years old."

Izzie nodded sympathetically and squeezed his shoulder briefly. "Small child."

The bell finally rung and Izzie let go of Eddie with another sympathetic smile.

She turned away from him and headed into the gym, her smile turning into a grin as she rubbed her hand to warm it back up again.

Jessica saw her and shot her a questioning look. Mike waved from next to her.

Izzie grinned at her and waved at Mike before going into the changing room.

 _Alright, recap. What happened in canon?_

 _Wait, didn't Creepy leave for like a week in canon?_

 _SHIT. That would've actually been preferable to this._

 _Well, too late now. And wasn't Jasper super tempted to eat Canon!Bella?_

 _Aw, FUCK, why is he so comfortable with me? I mean, he's not the worst one to talk to. Is it the hair dye? But it's fading. I'll ask him later._

Izzie finished changing and quickly ran out of the locker room, almost slamming right into a waiting Mike.

He grabbed her shoulders to steady her. "Woah, there. Careful."

She nodded and straightened up. "Thanks. Why were you...?"

He flushed slightly and rubbed the back of his neck. "Er, coach asked me to tell you what we're doing."

Izzie raised an eyebrow and cocked her hip. "Why didn't he ask Jessica?"

He flushed more and stuttered slightly. "W-well, i might have... volunteered."

Izzie stared at him until he began to fidget before she grinned at him and ruffled his hair briefly. "Alrighty, than, Micheal Middle Name Newton. What are we doing."

He smiled bashfully and tried to fix his hair. "We're doing basketball today. And, uh, it's Mike."

Izzie grinned and skipped past him. "Hurry up, home slice."

-/:;()$\|\

 _Add basketball to the list of balls I shouldn't touch._

Izzie scowled and looked ahead of her as she limped to the locker room, ignoring Jessica's snickering. "Basketball sucks."

Jessica patted her consolingly on the shoulder. "Aw, is Izzie a little bit of a sore loser?"

Izzie shrugged her hand off. "Emphasis on sore."

The girls made it into the room and started changing back into their normal clothes. Lauren was spraying an inordinate amount of perfume in the corner and ignoring everyone around her as they choked.

Jessica pulled on her shirt and looked over at Izzie. "How did you even manage to trip backwards over a basketball?"

Izzie shrugged, retying her hair up and kicking her shorts off simultaneously. "I'm talented."

Jessica nodded patronizingly and slipped her skirt up over her shorts before pulling them off.

 _Huh. I should've thought of that back in Arizona._

Izzie was a bit distracted looking at Jessica's legs while she put on her own pants and slipped and fell against the lockers.

Jessica hid a snort with a cough and looked away, checking out her reflection in the mirror.

Izzie gave her a deadpan look and hoped to Meyer or whoever that she wasn't blushing. "See?"

Jessica giggled. "You walking with me and Mike today, or is your boyfriend picking you up?"

Izzie made a face. "Not my boyfriend. Never my boyfriend."

Jessica nodded. "Sure, sure."

 _...When was the last time I talked to Jacob again?_

"So, you coming or not?"

Izzie blinked. "Oh, uh, yeah. I'd like to avoid Cul- Eddie if I can help it."

They grabbed their bags and walked out, joining up with Mike. "Eddie?"

Izzie nodded. "Yeah. I pissed him off in Bio today."

Mike laughed. "Oh yeah! The creep was trying to put the moves on our Izzie."

Jessica raised her eyebrows and giggled. "Oh?"

Izzie rolled her eyes. "It's not like that."

Jessica nudged her and jerked her head. "You sure about that?"

Izzie groaned and turned around. "What, Eduardo? I'm trying to socialize, here."

He smiled charmingly. "Bella."

She raised her eyebrow and ignored the look Jessica was giving her and the glare Mike was giving Eddie. "Fire."

He humored her. "Izzie. Did you forget that I drove you here today? Or are you planning to walk home?"

Izzie glowered to herself before plastering a smile on her face. "Yes, actually. I did forget. My mistake."

He put a hand on her head and ruffled her hair. "I forgive you."

She scowled and smacked his hand away, ignoring how her hand now stung. She turned to Jessica and Mike. "Completely unrelatedly to what just happened, do either of you know a good mosquito repellent?"

Eddie snickered quietly and Mike and Jessica looked at each other.

Mike answered. "Uh, my family owns a sporting goods store, so you could stop by and look if you want."

Izzie nodded and turned to leave. "Kay, thanks. Later, guys."

"Bye, Izzie."

"Tell me if he does anything untoward."

"Untoward?"

"It felt right."

Izzie shook her head and waved at them over her shoulder as Eddie led her to his car.

She looked around. "Where's the rest of the cannibal fairies?"

Eddie opened the door and got in. Izzie followed suit. "Alice decided that we needed time to 'work out our pent up frustration with each other'."

Izzie scrunched her face up and put on her seatbelt. "Gross."

Eddie looked at her oddly before it dawned on him. If he could've blushed, he would've. "Isabella!"

She snorted. "Don't worry, grandpa, i don't wanna have sex with you either."

He started the car and pulled out of the space without looking behind him. "Good. Out of curiosity, is it the fact that I'm a hundred that turns you off or the fact that I'm dead?"

She snorted, finally fixing her hair. "Both. And the fact that you don't really have the type of parts I'm looking for."

The pace barely stuttered. "... Right."

Izzie leaned back on her seat and hummed. "Now you got me thinking about it. What would sex with a vampire even feel like? Would it be like using a really cold, really hard dildo?"

He choked a bit.

She continued. "I mean, I guess I could just find that out by putting a dildo in the freezer, but Charlie would probably ask a lot of uncomfortable questions if he found it. Wanna help me test it?"

The car swerved.

Izzie gasped quietly and held on to the 'I'm gonna die' handle.

She turned away to hide the grin on her face and continued. "Yeah, you're right. That'd be weird. Do you even get erections? Is that a thing that still happens?"

He spoke through gritted teeth. "Izzie. Please stop."

She turned to him and nodded slowly, her smile falling at the expression on his face as he looked straight ahead. "Sorry. You're right. Too far. Please don't break the steering wheel off the car."

He visibly relaxed and stopped the car. "We're here, Izzie."

Izzie blinked at her house and nodded. "Right. See you tomorrow."

He didn't say anything as she got out of the car.

She walked inside without looking behind her, fighting the blush creeping into her face. _Goddamnit, face. Cooperate._

Eddie left as soon as she made it through the door.

She rolled her eyes and got started on dinner.


	9. A Week Without CreepyWhat The Eff

In an unexpected and (un)fortunate (the jury was still out on that) turn of events, an entire week passed with neither hide nor hair of a mister Eddie Creepy Cullen.

And in a more expected turn of events, Izzie was really freaking confused about it.

Don't get her wrong, she was also really freaking grateful because a) no Eddie to invade her personal space and just generally be a nuisance and b) her body had decided that the perfect time for her to start bleeding out of her vagina in this universe would be immediately after she made acquaintance with a family of vampires.

One less vampire was a mercy, though she was aware that they must've learned to deal with the whole menstruation thing being at a high school and whatnot.

 _Ohoho, now that raised some interesting questions._

But she was also unnerved, due to the facts that a) this was actually a thing that happened in canon and b) the last words she'd said to the kid were about dildos in an effort to make him mildly uncomfortable, but not uncomfortable enough to leave and _did he really leave because she started talking about dildos because holy shit?_

After she finished cackling at that realization, she felt kinda bad about it, to be honest.

Kinda.

Anyway, during the Week Without Eduardo (WWE for short, because it amused her that a company where people homoerotically wrestle half naked and a dude who could probably be mistaken as someone who wears an inordinate amount of body glitter had the same acronym- _acronym? No. Initialism! Woah, tangent_ ), Izzie had decided that she wouldn't be a complete bitch and would actually start socializing with people her own age.

Naturally, this started with the lunch table.

"What are you doing here?"

Izzie was already regretting this decision.

She smiled pleasantly anyway, gripping her lemonade bottle with probably more force than necessary. "I believe this is what the people call 'sitting', Lauren."

Lauren sneered. "Funny."

"I thought so."

Lauren looked irritated. "But I meant why are you doing it here? Shouldn't you be with the _Cullens_?"

She said the name like she didn't like them, which was weird. _Doesn't she have a thing for Creepy?_ Izzie blinked. _Huh._ "Good question. It could be because Angela's here."

Said girl blushed, smiled and looked down.

"It could be because I'm waiting to see when Allie and Jared will finally make sweet sweet love on this very table."

Here there were multiple snickers and the sound of chairs scraping away from said table. Izzie decided to stand up too, shooting an apologetic look at Allie and Jared, who were looking decidedly anywhere but at each other and her.

 _Whoops, there goes the asshole tendency. Welp, too late to make myself likeable now. At least I didn't say Mike and Eric or something. There's a pair with some serious UST._

Izzie felt her lip twitch and she slowly slinked closer to Lauren, who was leaning against the table. "Or, _maybe_ I just like making you all hot and bothered, Lauren. Lesbi-honest, we should totally find a way to relieve all that stress you got pent up in your body. _Relax_. It'd be my _pleasure_ to assist."

 _God, I'm like one of those depraved jail people. I'm such an asshole. Christ._

Izzie winked and Lauren looked torn between being furious and embarrassed. "God, Swan, even if I was gay I'd never go for you. You're too-"

"Hot? Smart?" She winked again. " _Confusing_?"

Lauren spluttered around a mouthful of her salad before swallowing and talking. "Annoying! Maybe if you actually stopped talking, people would actually like you!"

 _Ouch. She's probably right. Too bad no one here is real and I just wanna die, huh?_ "Would you like me to put my mouth to a more _interesting_ use?"

"Izzie, oh my god, STOP TALKING!"

The cafeteria was silent.

 _That would've never happened back home._

Izzie raised an eyebrow and zipped her mouth closed, looking at Lauren expectantly, along with everyone else in the cafeteria (including the rest of the lunch group which was just being suspiciously silent through this whole confrontation).

Lauren seemed to realize that everyone was watching her too, because she started hyperventilating and her face was turning red.

Izzie's smirk fell. _Oh my god._

Jessica snapped into action. "Lauren? Oh my god, what's wrong with her?"

Tyler got himself to her. "Is it asthma?"

Angela joined them. "No, Lauren doesn't have asthma."

Izzie stepped back and the others eyes snapped to her. She winced at the glares and ran a hand through her hair.

Jessica glared harder. "Swan, you did this! Fix her!"

Izzie winced again. "I can't-"

She snarled. "Why not?!"

Lauren's breath got faster and Izzie finally realized that even if Lauren was fictional, Izzie had still caused her to have a panic attack and that was a really really shitty thing to do.

She snapped. "I think she's having a panic attack, Jessica. We need to get her breathing under control and take her to the nurse where it's quiet."

"Well, how do we do that?"

Lauren looked on the verge of passing out and Izzie panicked. "Emmett! Take her to the nurse!"

Emmett was there in a flash, not quick enough to garner suspicion but still fast. He picked Lauren up carefully and lightly pressed a cold hand to her overheated face. He looked at Izzie in disappointment ( _and amusement? What the fuck? This isn't a fun thing that's happening?_ ) before running off at a slightly about average human pace.

Izzie shook her head quickly and caught sight of Alice looking incredibly confused in her peripheral before deciding that that wasn't a thing she needed to worry about right now. "Jessica, go with him."

Jessica gave her one last glare before huffing away.

Izzie tried very hard not to cry.

It didn't work.

Angela put her arm around her and walked them away from the scene of the confrontation, leaving the cafeteria and rightfully judgmental peers behind them.

Izzie decided that a) Angela was a literal Angel and that b) she needed to apologize to Lauren ASAP.

So, she spent the rest of the week trying to apologize to her in increasingly extravagant ways (one particularly unfortunate one involving a birthday cake and a stuffed bear that sung Welcome to the Black Parade for some ungodly reason) before she realized they probably weren't helping her case and so on Friday she walked up to Lauren, apologized, gave her a candy bar, and walked away.

Or tried to.

"I'm allergic to peanuts."

Izzie pursed her lips, closed her eyes briefly, turned around and replaced the candy bar with her unopened bottle of lemonade.

Lauren looked at her thoughtfully.

Izzie fidgeted.

Lauren smiled. "Thanks."

Izzie breathed a sigh of relief and nodded before going to walk away because _Thank Jesus._

"Oh, and Izzie?"

She tensed and turned back around to look at her nervously.

Lauren was still smiling. "If that whole you and Edward thing doesn't work out, maybe I could take you up on that offer about your mouth doing more interesting things than talking."

Izzie almost choked on air and got this very odd fluttery feeling in her stomach before coming to her senses. "Lauren, I literally caused you to have a panic attack."

Lauren's grin widened, her blue eyes twinkling slightly and everyone else at the table snickered. "That wasn't you, Izzie. There were peanuts in my salad."

 _What._

"What."

The group laughed harder and shifted in their seats.

Lauren nodded. "Yep."

Izzie let out an incredulous noise. "And no one told me this why?"

They all shared a look.

Jessica spoke up. "To be honest, Izzie, you're kind of a bitch."

Tyler nodded. "Yeah, you had it coming."

When even Angela nodded sheepishly, Izzie decided to concede the point and played with her candy bar. "Fair enough."

Lauren cleared her throat. "Also."

Izzie raised an eyebrow.

Lauren winked. "It was pretty cute how you kept trying to get me to forgive you."

Izzie grinned at her before sobering. "Am I the one that's gonna have to break the news to Eddie?"

"Yes," said the whole table.

Izzie clicked her tongue. "Well, alright than."


	10. Edward Comes BackThe Pre-Date

The next morning, Izzie woke up, ate breakfast, showered, realized she forgot her clothes, and stomped back to her room to get them in a towel.

She slammed the door closed, turned around, and promptly froze.

Eddie and Izzie stared at each other from across her bedroom in an unnecessarily dramatic standoff.

Eddie broke the silence. "I'm gone for _one week_ and you get a girlfriend."

Izzie winced, holding the towel tighter to herself. "I'm sorry! It just happened! And she's not my girlfriend!"

He gave her an unimpressed look. "Izzie, the only reason I know she's your girlfriend is because Alice had a vision and called me to intervene."

"Intervene?!"

"Apparently we're supposed to end up together for eternity or something ridiculous, which, to be fair, I wouldn't mind so much if you had less of a mouth."

"I have a very talented mouth, I'll have you know."

He smirked with his unnervingly symmetrical face. "Once again, you and the point have proven yourself to be strangers, but thank you for the information. I'll keep it in mind."

Izzie blinked and crossed her arms under her chest. "Ew."

Edward sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Are you going to break up with her?"

Izzie snorted. "No. I'm breaking up with _you_. You are no longer the Hoe to my Bro. We are now both Hoeless Bros. I don't have a Hoe because I respect women."

He looked at her. "What."

She waved her hand dismissively and then started digging through her drawers. "Basically, we are not the OTP anymore. We are the BroTP."

"That didn't help at all."

"You've been Friendzoned."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

He flopped gracefully onto her bed and sighed. "Well, while I loathe the idea that I've somehow been lumped into a group that also includes Mike Newton, I suppose this could be worse."

Izzie turned to him from where she was trying to get a skirt on under her towel so she could put on underwear without flashing him and raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Elaborate."

Eddie closed his eyes and smirked. "Well, I suppose if I must be friendzoned by someone, I'm glad it's you."

Izzie cooed. "Awww."

A beat passed before she realized and threw her towel at him. "Hey!"

He laughed and threw the towel aside, keeping his eyes closed as she finished dressing herself.

As soon as she was done, she sat on the bed and set about doing her hair. "Hey, Eddie?"

"Hmm?"

"I have some _preguntas_."

"Oh dear, I think I hear Alice calling me-"

She whacked his leg with her hairbrush lightly (she didn't want to have to buy a new hairbrush if hers broke on his rock hard thigh). "Stop it, you. They're not inappropriate this time."

"Thank god."

Izzie huffed lightly and started French braiding her hair. "Does my scent bother you?"

"Absolutely, you constantly reek of hormones and bad decisions."

"Eddie!"

He sighed. "Izzie, the scent of your blood is... unfairly tempting. However, the fact that you dye your hair and smell unnervingly of wet dog in addition to that makes it bearable."

Izzie nodded. "Ah, as I suspected."

"Also, your personality makes if difficult for me to imagine my lips anywhere near you, so that helps."

She gaped at him, too amused to be offended. "Holy shit, Eddie, you _do_ have a sense of humor!"

He hummed in acknowledgement.

Izzie was quiet for a moment. "Wait, my hair dye's fading. I don't know where to find any in this town."

He snorted and opened one golden eye to look at her. "You can't find anything in this town, it's all in Port Angeles and Seattle. Is this your subtle way of trying to get me to buy some for you?"

She placed a hand on her heart. "Aww, Eddie, I hadn't thought of that, are you offering?"

He smirked. "No."

She rolled her eyes and dropped her hand. "Ass."

"You love it."

"You wish."

"Oh? Well, I guess I shouldn't offer you a ride to Port Angeles, if you're going to insult me."

She looked at him sharply. "What's the catch, former boy-toy?"

He made an unamused face. "No catch, other than a few hours in the company of a dangerous monster that's tempted to eat you."

She rolled her eyes. "That's dramatic."

"It isn't. The fact that you enjoy my company is baffling. It makes me question your sanity."

She snorted. "Yeah, me too, but not because of what you're heavily implying."

"I could kill you if I wanted to!"

"So could any regular human being. Hell, I could kill myself if I wanted to."

"I thought you did want to."

She sniffed. "There's a difference between wanting to die and wanting to not exist."

He didn't look convinced. "Really. Do tell."

"If I _die_ , people will mourn. If I _never existed_ , no one would notice my absence because I was never there in the first place."

He mulled this over and she brightened. "Also, I accept."

"Pardon?"

"You're taking me to Port Angeles."

"I'm beginning to rethink my offer, actually."

"C'mon, it's for the good of your control!"

"Fine. But I'm not paying."

She grabbed her empty wallet from her bedside table and threw it at him.

He caught it and looked at her in something akin to fond pity. "Only if I can choose the color."

She fist pumped and grinned. "Deal! You're my sugar daddy, now."

He sputtered. "I'm your what?"

She ignored him. "Also! Just wanted to point out that we are being unnervingly civil today. I'm not sure if I like it. It's making me kind of uncomfortable."

He looked at her suspiciously (probably making a mental note to ask Alice what a sugar daddy was later), and shrugged, closing both eyes again. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder, I suppose. Would you feel better if I started an argument?"

Izzie tied off her braid and nodded. "It would make me feel more comfortable, yeah."

He hummed a moment before sitting up in very slowly and grinning at her, eyes very creepily staring directly into hers.

She inched back a little.

He ignored this. "Izzie Swan?"

She looked at him wearily, already beginning to regret this decision. "Eddie Cullen."

He lunged.

She fell off the bed. "Shit!"

He threw his head back and laughed uproariously on the bed as she grumbled and stood from the floor.

She rubbed the back of her head and glowered. "God, you _asshole_. And I was just beginning to like you, too."

He held out a hand and pulled her effortlessly to her feet. "Don't let Lauren hear you say that."

She grumbled and fixed her skirt before turning and flouncing to the door. "Fine, Grumpy Grandpa, be that way. I'm gonna go eat breakfast because unlike _some_ people in this room, I have a date."

He leaned back in her bed and rolled his eyes before closing them again. "I'm beside myself with jealousy."

She sniffed. "Ass."

"Human."

She flipped her braid and skipped down the stairs. "Morning, Pops."

"Morning, Bells. Who were you talking to just now?"

Izzie faltered before grinning brightly. "Eddie's back so he called me this morning. Also, I'm going out later today, heads up."

"With... Eddie?"

"No, with Lauren. From school."

He raised his eyebrows and put down the newspaper he had been reading. "You mean the same Lauren you don't like and who is the only reason you let Edward drive you to school in the first place?"

Well, when you put it like that.

She grinned sheepishly. "People change?"

"Izzie."

She sighed and grabbed a banana before slouching into a chair. "Really, dad, I'm not lying. Teenage minds are fickle. I actually kind of like Lauren."

"When you say like, you mean..."

"Yes. _Like-_ like. _Want-to-kiss-her-face_ -like."

He took a moment to process this before nodding. "Well, if you're sure. Does she know your old man's the sheriff?"

Izzie released the breath she had been holding and laughed before going over and hugging her dad. "Yes, pops, she knows. Everyone knows. This town isn't that big."

He patted her back awkwardly and cleared his throat. "Just, be careful, Bells. I know she can't get you... _pregnant_ but there are still diseases-"

She immediately let him go and dashed to the stairs. " _Okay_ , moment over, bye!"

"Use protection!"

"Go to Billy's, already!"

"Love you!"

"Love you too!"

She closed the door quickly and groaned, throwing Eddie the stink eye when she heard him snickering. "Shut up, you."

He gave her a thumbs up.

She peeled her banana and went to sit on her rocking chair because the vampire who shall not be named was occupying her bed. "You are really relaxed. What, did you get some stress relief in Antarctica or whatever?"

He hummed. "Alaska."

"Ah." She finished chewing her bite and swallowed when he didn't elaborate. "So, did you?"

"Did I what?"

"You know, stress relief. Get rid of all that tension."

She wiggled her eyebrows but his eyes were still closed so the affect was lost.

He gave a noncommittal grunt.

She sighed and threw away her banana peel. "I'm asking if you got laid, Edward."

He sat up very quickly. "I have to go."

"I'll stop, sorry!"

He relaxed slowly back into the bed and looked at her cautiously.

She sighed again and raised her hands placatingly, deciding to change the subject. "I've been reliably informed that I'm a bit of a bitch and I'd like some help fixing that."

He relaxed a bit more and nodded slightly. "What brought this to your attention?"

"Jessica said it."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Angela agreed."

He winced. "Oh, wow, alright. How can I help?"

Izzie grinned and started setting up her makeup. "The fact that you're agreeing makes me tempted to hug you but I will refrain."

"Thank you."

"And I just wanna learn how to be nicer."

He looked at her thoughtfully. "Do you have that little voice in your head that tells you when you've done something wrong?"

She nodded as she blended out her foundation. "Yeah, but she only tells me after I've done it, so that's not really helpful."

He nodded. "Right. Well, I would suggest just... not saying half the things you want to. If you think someone will be offended, don't say it."

She snorted. "That's easy for you to say but I have approximately zero self control."

There was a knock on the door. "Bells? I'm off to the Reserve, okay? I left forty dollars on the counter for food."

"Okay, pops, thanks, don't come in I'm changing!"

"Alright, Izzie, see you tonight! Love you!"

"Love you, too!"

Eddie looked at her contemplatively as her father's footsteps faded away and the front door shut.

She looked at him. "What?"

"Be more like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you are with you're dad."

She blinked and turned back to her mirror, lining her eyes once she finished with her face. "That's a bit drastic."

"No, not really. You're very similar when you're with your father to when you're in public. The only difference I've heard is you don't insult him."

"Obviously. He's my dad."

"Just try it."

He tilted his head and nodded to something. "I have to go. Your date is coming."

Izzie started putting her things away. "Thanks for the warning, brochacho. Tell Alice I said hi."

"Will do."

And then he was gone.

Izzie was halfway down the stairs when the doorbell rang. She took them three at a time after that, took a deep breath, and then rolled her eyes at herself.

 _Izzie, you regularly hang out with vampires and future werewolves. This is a human girl. And you're going to lunch. Calm the fuck down._

She opened the door and grinned. "Hi."

Lauren grinned back. "Hi."

Izzie was fairly certain she'd be getting laid today.


	11. Eddie is CrankyIzzie gets Dumped

Izzie was really confused about Lauren.

Eddie was not helping.

They were in the car on their way to school because the Glimmers still insisted on keeping an eye on her and she was kind of stressing.

She twisted her fingers together in her lap. "Ed, you can read minds. Does she actually like me or is she just pretending to get back at me for being an asshole?"

Eddie sighed and rolled his eyes. "As far as I can tell, she finds you attractive."

"That's not what I asked!"

"Alice doesn't think you two are going to last."

Izzie rolled her eyes. "I mean obviously. High school relationships rarely do. I didn't ask that either."

Eddie finally turned to look at her, pulling the car into the parking lot. "Do you like her?"

Izzie wrinkled her nose. "I mean, yeah? You heard me say that to my dad. Why are you asking?"

Eddie kept looking at her as he parked the car.

Izzie glared at him and took off her seatbelt. "Fine, don't tell me. I'll take that as a no to the 'does she like me' question."

She tried to open the door, but it was still locked.

Eddie smiled serenely and didn't unlock it.

Izzie glared harder. "Oh, real mature. Seriously, you are acting like such an adult. Are you sure you're seventeen?"

He rolled his eyes and smiled bitterly. "I've been told I'm an old soul." He paused. "Or I would be, if I had one."

Izzie was unimpressed. "Okay, edgelord. You gonna let me out of the car or am I gonna have to keep listening to your non-teenage melodrama."

He looked at her incredulously. "That is the most hypocritical thing I have ever heard you say."

"If you don't open the door I'm gonna punch the window and bleed all over your car."

They stared each other down for a moment before Eddie unlocked the car.

Izzie smiled as she hopped out and slammed the door. "Glad we had this talk, Edweird."

He huffed as he walked beside her. "She's going to dump you at lunch. Publicly."

Izzie flinched. "Well, fuck, okay."

"She might try to start a rumor that you put out on the first date."

Izzie snorted and tossed her hair. "Didn't."

Eddie shook his head. "Do you think that matters at this school?"

Izzie looked at him oddly. "Did you eat bitch flakes for breakfast or something? What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing, Isabella. I just haven't fed in a while."

"Ah. That sucks."

Eddie looked at her blankly.

Izzie laughed. "Also, why is it okay for you to bring up sex in casual conversation but I can't?"

Eddie shrugged. "You take it too far."

They walked to her class in silence for a moment.

Izzie groaned as she stopped. "And to think I was considering becoming a nicer person for her."

Eddie rolled his eyes as he walked ahead. "Heaven forbid you're actually nice."

Izzie stared after him for a moment before going into her classroom and finding her seat behind Eric. "Eddie's being a real crab today."

Eric shrugged at her uncomfortably.

Izzie sighed. "Also, good morning."

"Morning."

"You okay, Eric?"

He looked at her and smiled quickly. "Yeah, just. You know. Mike."

Izzie hummed. "What'd he do this time?"

"Impliedyouwereonlywithlaurenbecauseyouhaventhadgoodsex."

Izzie tilted her head. "Sorry?"

Eric took a deep breath. "He thinks you're only pretending to be gay because you haven't had good sex yet."

Izzie raised her eyebrows. "Is he an idiot? Stupid question. That boy wouldn't know good sex if it shoved a dental dam up his urethra."

Eric cringed. "How would it—"

"Who knows? But seriously, if he thinks he's gonna get in my pants with that attitude? God. I have so many jokes lined up already."

Eric grimaced weakly and turned to face the front.

Izzie sighed and took out her phone. _Might as well get this over with._

She opened up Lauren's contact but paused. _Wait. Public humiliation. I can work with this._

Izzie smiled mirthlessly and put her phone away.

—/,(::(

Izzie sat with the Cullens at lunch.

Eddie looked at her suspiciously. "What are you doing here?"

Izzie smiled serenely and plucked the apple from his plate. "Eating."

Alice zoned out for a moment before gasping and looking at Izzie. "Oh my god!"

Izzie grinned. "Yes, Alice?"

Rosalie glared inquisitively but was unwilling to let on that she was interested in anything involving Izzie so she stabbed at her unnecessary salad and probably imagined it was Izzie's face.

Jasper looked disturbed.

Alice shook her head and placed her hand on Izzie's arm. "Izzie, murder is illegal even if your father is the sheriff."

Izzie spat out her apple. "What?!"

Eddie gripped her other arm just in case she actually decided to murder someone in a crowded cafeteria. "Isabella, it's not a big deal, it's just a teenage relationship—"

Izzie and the other Cullens were very confused until she saw Alice fighting a laugh. "Alice!"

Alice giggled brightly. "Sorry, Iz, I had to."

"Why?!"

Alice blinked and stood up, dragging Izzie with her. "Come on, time to get dumped."

"I'm so—"

"Shh."

Alice dragged Izzie over to Lauren's lunch table where her and Jessica and the boys were staring at her pityingly. Angela was there too, but she was reading. Alice sat down beside her.

Izzie rolled her eyes. "Sup."

Lauren cleared her throat importantly and waited until the tables closest to them quieted. "Izzie, I think we should break up."

Dead silence.

Izzie scratched the back of her neck awkwardly. "Uh. Lauren. We're not even together. We went on one date."

A few scattered laughs.

Lauren flushed a bit and straightened up as Jessica glared from behind her. "Well, I know, but I figured it would be the right thing to do to make it clear that we wouldn't be going on a second one."

Izzie nodded slowly. "Uh-huh. And you decided to do this in the middle of a crowded cafeteria?"

"Well—"

"Instead of two nights ago when it would have been opportune?"

"Izzie—"

"Instead of what you actually did—"

"Seriously—"

"—which is ask me on a second date—"

"Stop!"

"—and shove your tongue down my throat?"

Lauren was very very red at this point. "That was a temporary lapse."

Izzie raised an eyebrow. "In what? Heterosexuality?"

Jessica stared at Lauren incredulously. "You made out with her?!"

Lauren stuttered. "Well—I mean—"

Matt let out a whistle.

Jessica glared at him briefly before turning back to Lauren. "You said this was a joke!"

Angela looked aghast. "Lauren, that's so mean!"

Alice nodded disapprovingly. "Bad Laura."

Izzie stared at Lauren and Jessica, unimpressed. "Well, you guys work that out. Alice and I are gonna go over there." She pointed back to the Cullens, who were watching her in amusement.

Alice giggled and smiled at Angela. "You can come, too, if you want."

Angela looked at her table in disappointment before nodding and picking up her book. "I'd like that, thank you."

Izzie saluted the table before turning and walking away, Angela and Alice following. She smirked as she got to Eddie. "The only thing wounded is her reputation."

Rosalie hummed. "I'd say."

Izzie smiled at her briefly and sat down.

Alice sat Angela beside her. "We're adopting!"

Rosalie scowled. "Another one?"

Angela shrunk in her seat.

The bell rang.

Izzie groaned and stood back up. "Can I just ditch Bio? Please?"

Angela frowned. "Izzie, no."

Izzie pouted and linked their arms, saying bye to the rest and holding her other arm out to Eddie. "You coming?"

He stared at her arm and then walked ahead of them.

She flipped off his back. "Some best friend you are!"

He walked faster.

Angela giggled.


	12. James Franco

The remainder of the week was uneventful, with the exception of Angela striking up an unlikely friendship with, of all people, Rosalie.

Izzie stared at the two girls on the Cullen's couch, floored.

Angela looked up and smiled from where she was sitting cross legged, letting Rosalie paint her nails as Alice sat nearby, perched on the coffee table. "Hi, Izzie!"

Alice looked up from her sorting of the nail colors and grinned brightly. "Izzie!"

Rosalie smiled up at Izzie quickly before looking back down at Angela's hand. "Hey, Swan, could you tell Angel, here, that black nail polish only works for goths?"

Izzie walked out of the house, took a deep breath, and walked back in.

Still there.

Rosalie raised an eyebrow expectantly.

Izzie shrugged uncertainly. "You could give her accent nails? Black works for that, too?"

Angela grinned and Rosalie tilted her head in consideration. "Not a bad idea."

Izzie looked to the side at Eddie, who appeared only mildly disturbed.

She turned to Carlisle. "Am I in the Twilight Zone?"

He smiled serenely.

Esme entered gracefully with a plate of snacks. "I do hope you're hungry, Angel— Oh! Hello, Izzie!"

Izzie smiled back and waved, suddenly calm. "Hi, Esme."

Emmett clapped suddenly, from where he had been thumb wrestling with Jasper on the other side of the room. "Izzie's here! You takin' Eddie out for a joyride?"

Izzie snorted and Eddie glared. "Don't call me Eddie."

"So she gets to call you Eddie, but I, your own brother, your flesh and blood, do not?"

Eddie rolled his eyes, currently a very light gold. "She does what she wants. Also, we're not actually related, Emmett."

Emmett placed a hand on his chest in mock hurt and turned away.

Jasper laughed. "Ooh, Eddie, that's cold."

Eddie rolled his eyes as the girls laughed, the boys fist bumped, and the parents watched fondly. He turned to Izzie, who was also laughing. "Are you ready to go now, or must I continue to endure this abuse?"

Angela tamped down her giggles and spoke up with a wry smile. "If you're expecting less abuse from a car ride with Izzie, you're probably better off staying here."

Rosalie giggled and Izzie gasped dramatically. "Angela! You traitor! I'd be so offended if Rosalie giggling wasn't the most beautiful sound in the world!"

Everyone froze awkwardly until Rosalie snorted. "God, Swan, your gay is showing. Take Eddie and run before Emmett tries to fight you for my affections."

Izzie winked. "So you're saying I have a chance?"

Eddie growled. "Don't call me Eddie."

Emmett raised his eyebrows. "I dunno, I might prefer watching you two fight. In mud. Or a hot tub." He turned to Carlisle and Esme, who were looking at him disapprovingly. "Why don't we have a hot tub?"

Izzie turned to them as well. "Yeah, why don't we have a hot tub?"

Eddie took Izzie's arm and turned to go. "No, goodbye, we're leaving."

Izzie laughed and waved behind her as she was dragged out.

As soon as they got in the card, Eddie turned it on and started driving.

Izzie winced. "Dude, let it warm up first, what the hell?"

"They were being irritating."

"They were being family."

Eddie huffed. "After 90 years it gets a little old, Izzie."

Izzie nodded thoughtfully and turned on the radio in order to push aside the heavy atmosphere. Her face brightened. "I didn't even know this song came out yet!"

"What?"

"Doncha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Dontcha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?"

"Oh god, please turn that off."

"Doncha!"

Eddie changed the station to some classical nonsense.

Izzie's face blanked and she stared at the radio in defeat. "Claire de Lune."

Eddie looked to her in surprise. "You know Debussy?"

A corner of her mouth lifted. "Mom played classical around the house when she was trying to feel classy. This was my favorite. Please change it."

"You just said—"

"I know what I said. It's making me homesick."

Eddie changed the channel and wrinkled his nose. "There's nothing good."

Izzie gasped and stopped his hand. "Holy shit, I forgot they were old!"

"Please don't tell me you like this screaming nonsense?"

"It's My Chemical Romance, you square! They've been broken up for twenty years!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Change it! Change it!"

Eddie obliged.

Izzie squealed and started jumping in her seat. "Oh HELL YEAH! Tears for Fears!"

Eddie looked at her in confusion. "This is the happiest you've ever been in my presence."

She beamed at him. "I fucking love music, man."

Eddie laughed when she started singing along before joining her. "I never find out, til I'm head over hee-e-eels!"

Izzie grabbed his hand and kissed it. "You're so much cooler than I thought you were! We are officially friends!"

Eddie looked mildly terrified and retracted his hand. "Do I get a say in this?"

Izzie grinned brightly.

Eddie turned back to face forward and gripped the steering wheel tightly. "Of course not."

Izzie ignored his unnecessary angsting and proceeded to sing along to the radio the entire car ride.

-/;);/-($$

"Eddie, I am not dying my hair green."

"The agreement was that in order for me to pay, I get to choose."

"But neon green?!"

Eddie rolled his eyes and put it back, taking out a box of bright red and a box of bright purple. "Bright colors have a stronger smell, Isabella. If it was purely based on your physical appearance, I would choose a natural color."

Izzie frowned and took the boxes before facing them in his direction. "Pick which."

"Red."

She put two boxes of red in the basket and nodded before turning away and freezing a split second before Eddie grabbed her and thrust her unceremoniously at the makeup aisle.

Izzie took the hint and browsed the lipsticks, taking out her phone to text someone.

Alice?

She giggled quietly.

Alice would already know. They were all probably on their way anyway, those vampy idiots.

Hm.

Haven't texted Jacob in a while.

Izzie: Hey bunny boo how u doin

She then texted Angela.

Izzie: You still w/ the addams family?

Angel Face: yeah! Rosalie's doing my hair now. We're going to the movies.

Izzie: aww! Ok have fun that's so nice!

Izzie put her phone away and stared at the lipsticks again, picking up a red one and pretending to consider it before putting it back and moving back in the direction of the sparkly bois.

She didn't know what Laurent, Victoria, and that other guy who's name she couldn't remember were doing in a Nordstrom but she herself was rarely in Nordstrom so maybe they frequented the place.

Eddie looked real strung out. Izzie went back the other way and around the aisle, pulling out her earbuds and putting on music quietly, humming and looking at the soaps, picking up a coconut scented one and putting it in the basket.

She turned around and jumped, staring Other Guy in the face before pausing her music and giggling. "Excuse me!"

He smiled back at her, looking all pretty and homicidal with his very obvious red eyes and what the fuck honestly, he couldn't invest in contacts? "My apologies. I saw you browsing and I couldn't help but approach. You look lovely under fluorescent lights."

Izzie smiled back at him, completely unaffected despite his beautiful face, which really wasn't her type anyway. "That's nice."

There was a pause in which he looked at her in mild confusion and vague irritation, while she looked at him in mild irritation and vague confusion.

He broke the silence first, holding out a hand. "My name is James."

"James what?"

"Franco."

Izzie stared blankly. "...Are you kidding me?"

His smile stayed. "No. My name is James Franco."

A pause.

"And you are?"

She shifted and tilted her head to the side. "Underage."

Her phone buzzed and she took it out and checked it, ignoring James Franco (holy shit honestly), who was becoming progressively more irritated and confused as time passed.

Wolf Boy: bunny boo? I am not fluffy and adorable!

Izzie snorted at her phone.

Izzie: you are too! The fluffiest and most adorable! if you disagree I'll sue

Wolf Boy: :( I'll have u know my father is the richest lawyer this side of Montana

Izzie: oh no I'm so afraid please no financial retribution!

James Franco cleared his throat.

She looked up at him. "Woah there. You look grumpy, stranger."

James Franco rearranged his face into something more pleasant. "It's rude to answer your phone in the middle of a conversation."

She raised an eyebrow and tried not to roll her eyes. "Social etiquette isn't my strong suit."

"I can tell."

She snorted and shifted her feet into something more relaxed. "Listen, dude, not that you're not super pretty and everything, but you just aren't my type."

James Franco looked briefly murderous and vaguely impressed before schooling his features. "And what is your type?"

Izzie glanced behind him at Victoria, who was hovering with Laurent and an impatient and extremely uncomfortable looking Eddie. "Her."

A tinkling laugh came from behind Izzie, Alice approaching from behind. "Is this guy bothering you, sweetie?"

Izzie turned her head to her and smiled. "Nah, he's just James Franco. His friend, though—"

"Edward! What are you doing here?"

Laurent spoke pleasantly. "Oh, you know each other."

Eddie spoke up, walking towards the girls. "She's my sister."

James Franco and friends waited at the edge of the aisle in a row, the Cullens and Izzie mirroring them.

Laurent stepped forward. "It was nice to meet you, Edward. I'm sure our paths will cross again."

Eddie nodded curtly. "Likewise."

Alice smiled brightly, looking anywhere but at James Franco. "Looking forward to it!"

Izzie raised her eyebrows again and looked at all of the inhumanly pretty people around her. "Jesus Christ, this is ominous. Also killing my self esteem. Fight me, beautiful people."

James Franco grinned. "Bite you?"

Izzie rolled her eyes and threw her basket to the ground. "I'm underage, James Franco!"

Laurent coughed a laugh into his hand.

James Franco stepped back with his hands up and a look of annoyance.

Victoria maintained eye contact with Izzie, raising an eyebrow and tilting her head to one side. "Oh?"

Izzie smiled stupidly. "No I'm actually forty three next week and seventeen in six months so we're all older than we look you're so pretty."

Yet another odd silence, as no one could detect a skip in her heartbeat.

Izzie blinked and looked away from Victoria, blushing slightly for the first time that day. "Anyway, I'm gonna go check out now."

Alice perked up. "I'll go with you!"

Eddie nodded. "I'll join you."

Izzie waved at the nomads as she left. "Nice contacts, by the way!"

Laurent smiled kindly while the other two's expressions became unreadable.

The checkout was unnaturally awkward and quiet, Alice having left James Franco's vicinity as soon as she could.

In the car, they maintained the silence until Eddie suddenly collapsed in a fit of laughter in the drivers seat.

Izzie panicked at this strange happy pod person and tried to open the door to the car. "What the fuck, what the Fuck."

Eddie punched himself in the thigh, breaking a key in his fist and making himself laugh harder. "You're—so—fucking—stupid—"

Izzie looked at him with wide eyes. "You just swore!"

"Why—would you ever—say any of what you said?!"

Izzie let go of the door handle and threw a can of hairspray at him. "I panicked, asshole! Why are you laughing?!"

It took another long two minutes for Eddie to calm down completely, and even then he was smiling. "Izzie Swan, what goes on inside your head?"

"You really don't wanna know."

"You are absolutely wrong."

"Did you know there was a scientist who jerked off a dolphin for science but the dolphin fell in love with her so they had to stop the project but the dolphin didn't understand so it killed itself?"

Eddie closed his eyes tightly and took a deep breath through his mouth, exhaled through his nose, and ignored everything she just said. "He knows we know each other."

She blinked. "James Franco?"

"Yes, him."

Izzie nodded. "Yeah, he can smell it."

Eddie looked at her incredulously. "Than why on earth would you have that entire conversation?"

"For... fun? Why did you push me away in the first place?"

He pressed his hands together and leaned his forehead on them. "I hate you so much."

"No you don't."

He started the car and pulled out of the parking lot without a word. "Just tell your father you're having a sleepover with the rest of the girls so that you don't get killed?"

Izzie shrugged and took out her phone. "Dad's been working night shifts anyway so okay."

Izzie: heyyy daddy-o can I stay over at the Cullens' house? Alice Rosalie and Angela are having a sleepover and I'm invited pretty please!

Sheriff Pops: k. dont do anything I wouldn't do, luv u less than three

Izzie: love you too lol

Izzie put her phone back and nodded. "He's chill. Can I grab some clothes, though?"

Eddie shrugged. "Just take one of my shirts."

"That's not gonna help with the scent thing but you smell kinda good so I'll take it. I also need underwear."

"Ask Alice for that."

"Rats. Coulda sold yours on eBay."

He rolled his eyes as he pulled up to the house, getting out and opening the door for her. She rolled her eyes back and let him lead her to the door, where he sighed heavily.

Izzie looked at him knowingly. "You broke your house key, didn't you."

He leaned his head against the wall. "Yes."


	13. Eddie Rants

Izzie sat in a circle on the living room floor with Alice, Angela, and Rosalie. She tugged Eddie's shirt down her thighs as she laughed at something Alice said. "You think Eddie likes me? Are you insane?"

Alice smiled mischievously. "Oh come on, Izzie, you must notice the way he talks to you."

Izzie snorted. "Yeah, like an annoying little sister. Which I enjoy."

Angela scrunched her face up in confusion. "Wait, I thought you were gay?"

Izzie shook her head. "Nah, I'm bi. Just have more of a preference for girls."

Angela nodded and smiled at her consideringly. "You do spend most of your time with him."

Izzie rolled her eyes. "He's my best friend. For some reason."

Alice hummed. "The healthiest relationships start off as friendships."

Izzie thought about canon Bella and her and Edward's 'healthy relationship' and almost burst out laughing. "There is nothing romantic going on between me and Eddie."

Rosalie smirked at her. "You're wearing his shirt."

"Whose side are you on?!"

A throat cleared in the doorway. "Izzie?"

Izzie jumped and turned around to see Jasper. "Yeah? What's up, dude?"

He shifted uncomfortably, which kind of freaked her out a little bit. "Can I talk to you?"

Izzie looked to Alice for assurance that Jasper wouldn't eat her.

Alice nodded and smiled.

Izzie blinked and shrugged, getting to her feet and walking over. "Alright. Where to, Jazz?"

He tilted his head and he's turned for her to follow him up the stairs.

Izzie followed him to what she realized was Carlisle's office, as he, Eddie, and Emmett were already there. She raised an eyebrow. "Howdy. Is this an intervention?"

Eddie rolled his eyes. "What would you need an intervention for? Besides, of course, willingly associating with vampires—"

"Oh, not this again, you need to make up your—"

"You associating with us is going to get you killed—"

"Are we really doing this right now?"

Carlisle cleared his throat and the two stopped bickering immediately. "I think it's best we get to the matter at hand."

Izzie nodded and leaned against Emmett, who was the closest as Jasper had gotten as far away from her as possible as soon as they entered the room and she wasn't counting Eddie as he'd just pissed her off. "Which is?"

Eddie smiled sardonically. "Guess who's a tracker?"

"James Franco."

Carlisle blinked and the boys looked at her oddly. "How do you know this?"

Izzie scrunched up her nose. "Do y'all not remember that whole conversation we had on my first day? And how later I told you to watch out for nomads?"

"That's it."

Eddie blurred out.

Carlisle closed his eyes and sighed, Emmett facepalmed, and Jasper laughed in disbelief.

Izzie clicked her tongue. "He's mad at me."

Jasper pursed his lips. "Yeah."

Izzie stares at various things awkwardly before going and sitting in the chair Eddie had freed. "Oh, holy shit, I forgot about the lack of body heat, this chair is really cold."

Emmett snorted. "You're an idiot."

Izzie nodded. "Yeah."

They all kind of just stared at each other for a bit.

Izzie cleared her throat. "So—"

Eddie blurred back in. "I cannot believe your absolute lack of self preservation. You knew who they were, you knew what he was, yet you decide to antagonize the nomads anyway. You willingly associate yourself with vampires who are constantly tempted to kill you. It I didn't know any better, I'd say you were suicidal, but you aren't! You just act like you are!"

Izzie blinked at him and raised an eyebrow. "You done?"

Eddie sneered, suddenly directly in front of her face. "Do you have any idea what we would give to be human? And you just want to throw it away because of some spiteful death wish. Do you even care what that would do to your parents? Your friends?"

Izzie clenched her jaw. "You should stop talking."

Eddie was pacing across the room, which was now empty but for the two of them. "Or do you want to be a vampire? Is that it? You want super strength and speed? Never to age past seventeen?"

Izzie glared. "Stop."

Eddie cupped her face in his palm so she couldn't look away. "You want to never grow old enough to start a family? Never get married, never fall in love, never form meaningful connections because you have to move as soon as someone notices you haven't aged at all in four years? At most?"

The heart she pretended not to have suddenly ached and her anger drained away. "Shit, Eddie—"

He leaned closer, glaring fiercely. "Do you want to never be able to go out in the sunlight in front of humans in case they run you out of town for something you can't help and wouldn't have chosen if you could? Do you want to have to live off of blood and constantly be tempted to kill your classmates for it? Kill a shop assistant for it? Kill a little girl on the street with a scraped knee for it?"

Izzie went to hold his hand but he was already across the room. She cleared her throat and tried to smirk. "To be fair, I don't really like the sunlight."

He glared at her. "This is hell, Izzie. And you could die. Actually die. Could you please take your safety seriously for once in your life?"

Izzie blinked away the gathering moisture in her eyes and swallowed before nodding. "Okay."

He slumped against the bookcase and rubbed his hand over his eyes. "Thank you."

Izzie stood up shakily and cleared her throat. "Hey, um. Please don't take this the wrong way—"

"Oh, great way to start."

She gave him an almost smile. "Um. Why do you care?"

He looked at her, with her faded hair dye and her body almost drowning in his shirt. He knew she didn't mean it to be confrontational. "I don't know."

She nodded and smiled at him. "Let me know when you do."

He smiled back.

She cleared her throat and clapped her hands. "Alright, now that that's over, what're we gonna do about James Franco and his merry band of cannibals?"

Emmett walked in, Carlisle and Jasper following. "Technically it'd only be cannibalism if they were humans."

Izzie rolled her eyes and slumped back in her chair. "Bite me, dude."

"I don't think Rose would like that."

"Ew."

Carlisle sighed. "Children."

Izzie slumped down further. "Sorry."

Emmett and Jasper looked at her oddly.

Eddie stood behind her chair.

Carlisle smiled. "Thank you. Now, in order to keep the nomads, specifically James, from doing something drastic, you need to have one of us with you at all times."

The vampires looked at Izzie expectantly.

Izzie nodded. "Okay."

Emmett looked really confused and Carlisle tilted his head slightly. Jasper looked between Izzie and Eddie suspiciously. "Izzie, are you okay?"

Izzie rubbed her eye and yawned, crossing her legs. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

Emmett tilted his head like a puppy, which Izzie would probably tell him eventually as she was sure he wouldn't appreciate it. "Well, normally you'd be all difficult and sassy if any of us told you what to do. It's one of the things I like about you. What gives?"

Izzie shrugged. "You heard Edward. As much as I hate to say it out loud, he's right. I can't die in good conscience. Too many people have become emotionally attached to me."

Emmett and Jasper looked at Eddie accusatorially.

Eddie shrugged with his palms forward, looking mildly disturbed himself. "Why are you looking at me as if her caring about her own well-being is a bad thing?"

Emmett crossed his arms. "You broke Izzie."

"I did not break Izzie."

Jasper stepped slightly closer. "She called you Edward."

Eddie hesitated. "Okay, yes, that's odd and mildly uncomfortable."

Izzie looked at him in confusion. "You've been wanting me to call you Edward for weeks, why are you uncomfortable?"

Eddie ran a hand through his hair. "Unfortunately, I appear to have gotten used to Eddie."

Emmett looked like he didn't know whether to be concerned or elated.

Jasper turned to Izzie in confusion. "You've broken him, too."

Izzie threw her hands up. "What do you mean? Don't blame me for his many issues!"

"You are his issues!"

Izzie paused and then beamed, putting a hand on her chest. "Awww!"

Emmett cheered. "Hell yeah, Jazz, she's back!"

Izzie rolled her eyes. "Shut up, Emmett. How exactly am I gonna have one of you with me at all times? I live with my human police chief dad."

Eddie smirked. "You have a window."

Izzie groaned. "You just want an excuse to watch me sleep, weirdo."

"I already had an excuse to watch you sleep."

"WHAT?!"

"It was a joke!"

Izzie looked at him incredulously and stood up from her seat. "Right. How about one of y'all goes to see if James Franco made it into my bedroom and I'll go downstairs with the non creepy vampires?"

Eddie sighed. "I do not watch you sleep."

Izzie waved a hand and walked toward the door. "Either way, I'm missing a slumber party in which half the participants are not slumbering, so. Later."

She walked downstairs and tried to remember when she started growing affection for these dead idiots before giving up and joining the girls in a conversation about boys.

Angela looked at her and smiled. "Everything alright with Jasper?"

Izzie blinked. "What? Oh, yeah, he just needed some help with Eddie."

Angela looked concerned. "What's wrong with Edward?"

Izzie smiled quickly. "Nothing, he just gets kinda emo sometimes. It's cool, he's good now."

Angela nodded. "You sure know how to calm him down, huh?"

Alice smiled. "Doesn't she? I think that's a great quality in a romantic partner."

Rosalie snickered.

Izzie groaned. "Not this again! I'm more into blondes anyway."

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Izzie, I know I'm irresistible, but it's never going to happen."

Izzie pouted as the other girls laughed. "Rats."

/:$)::35

"You're seriously gonna watch me sleep?"

It was the next night and Eddie had already been clingier than usual at school. He looked to the ceiling uncomfortably from where he was sat in her rocking chair and held up a book. "I'll be reading, I just need to be here in case James shows up."

Izzie made a face. "Whatever. Someone better be on call in case he goes after my dad."

Eddie nodded. "Esme."

Izzie nodded back in satisfaction. "Fair warning, I talk in my sleep, so if you hear something you're not supposed to than don't worry about it."

He looked at her blankly. "No."

Izzie rolled her eyes. "Ignore it if it's a sex thing."

"Oh. Yes, obviously."

Izzie got under her covers and immediately felt wide awake. "Fuck."

"Hm?"

"I can't sleep with you in my room, it's awkward."

Eddie looked at her, unimpressed. "Would you rather James eat you?"

"I mean, he's not unattractive, so—"

"Izzie."

"Joking! Totally joking."

Eddie sighed. "Would it help if you couldn't see me?"

Izzie huffed and gathered her covers closer. "No, because I'd still know you're here."

"How did you sleep with Alice and Rosalie in the room?"

She frowned. "That's different."

"How?"

"Angela was there."

"And you're father's here."

Izzie groaned and faced away from him. "As long as you don't do anything creepy."

She heard him pick up his book again. "Wouldn't dream of it."


End file.
